Do You Still Remember

Every time she happened to appear exactly where he needed her, it was all prearranged.

Every seemingly casual show of concern was carefully weighed and calculated.

Shangguan Yunying told herself again and again:

This isn't affection. It's work. It's duty.

It's what a chief female official should do.

It's for His Highness, for the Crown Princess's Palace, for the greater good.

But when Shangguan Yunying realized that Gu Chengyin was extremely cautious—that he wouldn't easily give his heart away—she changed her approach and began to pursue him with deliberate intent.

Yet at her core, it was still for Luo Zhao, for the Crown Princess, for loyalty.

One step too slow, and every step after was too slow.

Too slow, until in the end, she had nothing left.

Even Shangguan Yunying felt helpless when she recounted all this.

Could she blame Luo Zhao?

No.

Because choosing the path of chief female official was her own decision.

No one forced her, no one made the choice for her, no one said Shangguan Yunying had to become chief female official.

It was a path she chose herself.

So this had nothing to do with Luo Zhao.

Luo Zhao never pushed her.

It was she who pressured herself, who drew a circle around herself.

Then stood inside that circle, watching those outside get everything she had ever wanted.

Shangguan Yunying was not the type to make unreasonable scenes.

She wouldn't blame Luo Zhao, or Lin Qingyan, or Cui Zilu just because she had chosen the path of chief female official.

They had done nothing wrong.

They were simply being themselves.

The one at fault was Shangguan Yunying herself.

For not seeing through all of this sooner.

For not recognizing her own true feelings earlier.

For using the position of chief female official as an excuse, attributing every one of her actions to duty.

And in the end, this was where it had landed her.

But thankfully, it wasn't too late.

Once you find the root of the problem, all that remains is solving it.

Once you see your true feelings clearly, all that remains is facing them head-on.

And for Shangguan Yunying, her problem was very easy to solve.

So simple that she almost laughed out loud.

The answer had been in her hands all along—she just hadn't realized it.

But it was indeed Lin Qingyan and Cui Zilu's blows that had been the catalyst.

Had those two not acted with such decisiveness,

Shangguan Yunying wouldn't have discovered the root of her problem so quickly.

And now, at this moment, with no Lin Qingyan, no Luo Zhao, no Cui Zilu—

only her and Gu Chengyin in this small room—

Shangguan Yunying felt this was the perfect time.

Because she had made her decision. She had decided to change everything.

To stop falling behind everyone else, and to take back what rightfully belonged to her.

Her eyes curved into crescent moons, the corners of her lips lifting high, just as she was about to speak—

Gu Chengyin's voice suddenly cut in.

"Yunying, do you remember the first time I came to the Shangguan residence?"

Having heard Shangguan Yunying's confession, Gu Chengyin wasn't surprised.

He had long known that Shangguan Yunying was approaching him with ulterior motives.

But later, under hypnosis, she had genuinely admitted from the depths of her heart that he was the one she loved most.

So Gu Chengyin's feelings toward her were complicated.

From a standpoint of interest, Shangguan Yunying was important—extremely important.

She was tied to the foundation of his current and future cultivation.

And from the most basic level of emotion—did he love Shangguan Yunying?

Of course he did.

But Shangguan Yunying was the chief female official.

That was the crux of Gu Chengyin's complicated attitude.

Loyalty always came before everything else.

But after hearing her candid confession, Gu Chengyin had a sense of what Shangguan Yunying was about to do.

So he had to do something before she said it.

Shangguan Yunying had been about to voice her decision.

But hearing Gu Chengyin's words, she paused.

Because she was curious.

Curious as to why Gu Chengyin would suddenly bring this up.

And especially at this critical moment.

This timing, this place, this way of asking—

it wasn't coincidental, wasn't an offhand remark, but deliberately chosen.

Gu Chengyin was telling her: I know what you're about to say, but before you say it, I want to say something first.

Shangguan Yunying changed what was on the tip of her tongue:

"I remember. Why do you ask?"

A reminiscent expression crossed Gu Chengyin's face as he said slowly:

"Then you should remember what I said that night: that I truly did like you."

A faint blush crept up Shangguan Yunying's cheeks.

She looked like a flower unfurled by a spring breeze, every petal spreading open—

soft pink, tender and delicate, bearing dewdrops, carrying fragrance and radiance.

Of course she remembered those words.

It was the first time Gu Chengyin had ever said he liked her.

But back then, her feelings for him hadn't been as strong as they were now.

There had only been a tiny, tiny, tiny bit.

The rest was still probing and testing.

She was trying to figure out what Gu Chengyin had done to Luo Zhao, still fulfilling her duty as chief female official.

But that night, under Jiang Jianli's forceful push, Shangguan Yunying had no choice but to go along with the situation half-willingly, ending up in that predicament.

Now, looking back, Shangguan Yunying wished she could slap herself.

If she had just gone all the way and sealed the deal that night, instead of settling for a first kiss, would there be all this trouble now?

Would Lin Qingyan even have a chance? Would Cui Zilu even stand a chance?

If she had slept with Gu Chengyin that night and made him hers,

no matter how capable Lin Qingyan was, could she have just come and taken him from the Shangguan residence?

No matter how skilled Cui Zilu's schemes were, could she have gotten Cui Shifan to come propose marriage on her behalf?

She was the earliest. She had the best chance. She was the most likely to have him.

But she didn't.

She gave it up.

She chose being chief female official over Gu Chengyin.

Gu Chengyin had no idea what was going through Shangguan Yunying's mind at that moment.

He didn't know she was regretting not having taken him to bed that night.

Didn't know she was berating herself for placing the position of chief female official on such a high pedestal.

Instead, he smiled and continued:

"That was true. I meant it—the me of that time."

Shangguan Yunying blinked. Before she could even react, Gu Chengyin went on:

"I liked your intelligence—how you understand things at the slightest hint, how you can keep pace with my thinking, and even on many matters, you have your own unique insights and judgments. You're not someone who merely follows the crowd."

"I liked your beauty—your looks, your bearing, even in the capital, indeed throughout all of the Great Luo, you rank as a peerless beauty."

"I liked your exceptional competence—as a woman, you still managed to establish yourself in the Palace Domestic Service, becoming Her Highness's chief female official, handling affairs with perfect order and precision."

"I liked your decisiveness in handling matters—at crucial moments you never drag your feet; fierce when you need to be fierce, gentle when you need to be gentle—advancing and retreating with poise, restraining and letting go with ease."

...

Just like that night at the Shangguan residence,

Gu Chengyin item by item, one after another, recounted Shangguan Yunying's virtues with ease.

Not reciting from memory, not repeating words—but speaking sincerely from the heart.