Unable to Let Go

Lin Qingyan shuddered.

The trembling began in her shoulders and quickly spread throughout her entire body.

Her eyes flew wide open, the desire within them vanishing in an instant, replaced by shock, confusion, and disbelief.

"Chengcheng..."

Lin Qingyan's voice trembled, laced with uncontrollable panic.

"How could you know..."

Gu Chengyin said nothing. His gaze was calm, as if he had long anticipated this reaction.

Lin Qingyan's breathing grew rapid.

She wanted to pull away, to break free from his embrace, but her body felt frozen, unable to move.

All she could do was stare at the man before her, at those too-lucid eyes.

There was tenderness in those eyes, and concern, and something she couldn't understand.

But there was no surprise, no anger, no indignation at being deceived.

"The inner demons I saw—they were all you, weren't they?"

At these words, Lin Qingyan bit her lower lip.

She bit hard, her lip quickly turning pale, as if using pain to suppress something.

But she didn't deny it, didn't defend herself. She slowly nodded.

Gu Chengyin was too clever—clever enough to guess the truth.

Too clever for her lies and concealment to mean anything.

Gu Chengyin looked into Lin Qingyan's eyes.

The desire was gone from them, replaced by a tangle of emotions.

Panic, fear, a deeply hidden sorrow.

Yet even so, she didn't avert his gaze.

She was waiting for him to continue.

"Your inner demons,"

Gu Chengyin said, word by word, "are not desire and love, but pain and hate."

Something in Lin Qingyan's eyes shattered.

It wasn't grief or anger, but something deeper, more complex.

Like old, buried memories suddenly unearthed, like a sealed wound reopened.

Lin Qingyan said nothing. She merely looked at Gu Chengyin—at this man who had guessed her greatest secret.

After a long moment, she nodded again.

"Yeah."

Gu Chengyin asked nothing more. He said nothing else.

He simply tightened his arms and pulled Lin Qingyan back into his embrace.

This hug was different from before.

The previous one had been full of ambiguity and fluttering hearts.

This one was pure, free of any desire.

Like holding a child who had endured too much but would never speak of it.

Lin Qingyan stiffened for a moment.

Then she buried her face in his chest, and her shoulders began to tremble.

She didn't cry out loud. She just shook silently, as if trying to shake off all her grievances.

Gu Chengyin felt the fabric over his chest gradually grow damp—warm liquid seeping through the cloth, pressing against his skin.

He raised a hand and gently stroked her back, slow and soft, again and again.

"I always thought inner demons were the embodiment of desire,"

Gu Chengyin said softly, as if speaking to her, or to himself.

"So when your inner demon appeared, I thought it wasn't you."

"But the more I thought about it, the more wrong it felt. If inner demons are desire, why would you love me so much?"

Gu Chengyin's fingers threaded through her hair, his movements as tender as if he were stroking something fragile and precious.

"Shouldn't the real you have been cold and indifferent?"

Lin Qingyan's body trembled again.

"Aunt."

Gu Chengyin lowered his head, his lips pressing against the top of her hair, his voice muffled.

"The real Lin Qingyan became the inner demon."

"Is that right?"

Silence.

A long silence.

Only their breathing filled the room, along with the faint whisper of wind outside the window.

The lamplight flickered, casting their shadows on the wall like two trees leaning into each other.

After who knows how long, Lin Qingyan finally spoke.

"Chengcheng."

Her voice was muffled against his chest, a little hoarse.

"Do you know what cultivators fear most?"

Gu Chengyin didn't answer. He knew she wasn't looking for a reply.

"Obsession,"

Lin Qingyan said. "Too deep an obsession becomes an inner demon."

"So cultivators learn to let go—let go of grudges, of love and hate, of everything that can trap a person."

"But some things can't be let go."

Gu Chengyin's arms tightened.

Lin Qingyan's voice was so faint it sounded as if it came from far away.

"And if you still can't let go, you'll fall into demonic possession."

Lin Qingyan lifted her head from his chest. Her eyes were red, with teardrops still clinging to her lashes.

But her expression had calmed.

It was an eerie calm, like a pool of stagnant water—no ripples, no life.

"I didn't know any of this before. But in that glimpse from the inner demon's memory, I saw a lot."

"It was also because of that glimpse that I realized I wasn't whole."

"The real me took away everything she couldn't let go of and became the inner demon."

"Pain, hatred, resentment... everything that would break me—she took it all."

Lin Qingyan smiled, a bitter, indescribable smile.

"And then I became what I am now."

This version of her that could feel desire, could yearn, could fall.

Because without pain and hate, the current Lin Qingyan was beautiful.

Free-spirited, untroubled by anything.

Gu Chengyin was silent for a long time, then suddenly asked,

"Would she like me?"

Lin Qingyan froze for a moment, then understood who he meant.

She shook her head, a hint of something unreadable in her expression.

"She wouldn't like anyone. All the desire was left to me. She only has pain and hate."

Gu Chengyin said nothing, lost in thought.

"When did you figure it out?" Lin Qingyan asked.

"Just now,"

Gu Chengyin said. "When you were leaning against me."

Lin Qingyan's face flushed slightly, but she didn't look away.

"Back then,"

she paused, choosing her words carefully,

"I couldn't control myself."

"I know."

"You know?"

Gu Chengyin nodded, explaining,

"Because your desire has nowhere to go."

"So whenever emotions run high, you lose control."

Lin Qingyan was silent for a moment, then muttered quietly,

"You see things pretty clearly."

Gu Chengyin looked at her and suddenly asked,

"What about now?"

"Now?"

"Are you sober now?"

Lin Qingyan was startled, then understood his meaning.

She lowered her head, looking at her hand, still resting on Gu Chengyin's chest. Through the thin fabric, she could feel the rhythm of his heartbeat.

Then, the pressure of a golden core cultivation slammed down like a mountain collapsing.

Gu Chengyin didn't even have time to react before an invisible force locked his limbs, leaving him unable to move even a fingertip.

This oppressive force was fierce and overbearing, carrying an undisguised weight as it crushed down upon him.

Gu Chengyin looked at Lin Qingyan.

Lin Qingyan was looking back at him.