I Cannot Forget

I don't know how I got to the company.

My memories of that time are a bit blurry now.

Fragmented and chaotic.

I only remember the car stopping, and I rushed out...

Then, abandoning even the luggage in my trunk, I dashed madly toward the gates of Dawn Corporation.

At that time, there were so many people at the entrance, so many security guards.

They guarded the gate tightly, refusing to let anyone in.

I rushed up and grabbed a security guard's arm!

I asked them what had happened, what on earth had happened!

The older security guard looked down at me. He recognized me; he had seen me before.

His eyes were still red.

He said, Xiaoyou, why are you here? Hurry to the hospital, your father—

He paused and didn't continue.

He also said, Where were you this morning? We couldn't reach you at all!

Couldn't reach me...

Of course they couldn't reach me.

Because at that time, I was sitting on a plane.

My phone was turned off, and I was looking at the sea of clouds outside the window.

Still secretly rejoicing, planning to give my father and Sister Xiaoqing a huge surprise.

A surprise.

Ha.

A surprise.

...

I also forgot how I got to the hospital.

Maybe I took a taxi, maybe someone dropped me off, or maybe I ran there myself.

I really can't remember.

I only remember that in the hospital...

I saw my father's body.

I saw Aunt Su's body.

I saw those...

The bodies of the technicians who, when I was eight, used to gather around me and marvel, "Youyou is so amazing."

Their faces, and their closed eyes.

They...

Would never open their eyes again.

Right before rushing into the hospital, I had even cleverly guessed...

I thought, did they run into some kind of trouble?

Did they fake their deaths to escape?

Did they have some unavoidable difficulties?

I was even secretly proud of this guess of mine.

I felt that this was the only logical explanation.

I felt that for people as incredible as them, how could they really all get into a car accident and die in the same vehicle?

I had even smugly convinced myself that this was the truth!

But...

Their bodies were right in front of my eyes.

My father's face was very pale, and half of his hair had turned white.

Aunt Su's hair was still stained with blood.

Those researchers were also lying there in a messy heap.

They were really dead.

Really, truly dead.

They would never come back.

And for those three years, I hadn't been by their side.

What was I doing during those three years?

I was sitting in the university library, flipping through textbooks that would be laughably shallow to them.

I was lying on my dorm bed, staring at the ceiling, missing someone I couldn't see.

I was escaping from reality.

Escaping the days without Sister Xiaoqing.

I spent all my energy figuring out how to "forget."

Forget the pain and longing.

Forget every moment I spent by their side.

Then, the genius me actually succeeded.

I invented that damn switch.

I could forget whenever I wanted, and turn into a happy, carefree Lin Xiaoyou at any time.

I flipped that switch in my brain, forgot all my troubles, turned myself into a carefree, naive girl, and laughed along with a bunch of people I didn't even respect.

But what about my father?

What about my Aunt Su?

What about the uncles and aunts who watched me grow up?

They all died.

Died during those three years I spent running away.

Died on that morning when I was sitting on the plane, secretly rejoicing about giving them a surprise.

At that moment, I just stood there blankly, looking at my father's forever closed eyes.

I couldn't even cry.

I couldn't shed a single tear.

Just standing there, looking at him...

Recalling my coldness toward him over the past three years.

Every time on the phone, I would use that polite and distant tone to say, "You're busy, I'll hang up now."

I self-righteously refused to go home, self-righteously blamed him.

—You're the one who separated us anyway, so you can just stay by yourself.

Now.

He really was alone.

He lay there all alone.

His face was very pale, half his hair was white, and his eyes were closed forever.

He would never again use that exhausted voice to say, "Alright, take good care of yourself then."

Senior, tell me...

Right before he died, did he think of me?

Did he think about how his daughter still resented him?

Did he think about how his daughter hadn't been home for three years, and every phone call only lasted a few minutes?

Did he...

Blame me?

I don't know.

I might never know.

Only later did I find out... during those three years, my father was actually very tired.

Very, very tired.

Dawn Corporation's project had entered its most critical stage. He was the core technical backbone, and the burden on his shoulders was heavier than anyone else's.

He only slept four or five hours a day, half his hair turned white, and his herniated disc was so severe he couldn't even straighten his back.

But he never mentioned any of this to me on the phone, not even once.

He just asked me how my studies were, how my life was, and if I had enough money to spend.

I said, Good, very good, everything's fine, you're busy, I'm hanging up.

I didn't even ask him once...

Dad, how is your health lately?

Not even once.

Senior, I really regret it so much.

So much regret, so much regret.

Back then, I thought my father would always be there.

Always on the other end of the phone, using that exhausted voice to say, "Alright, take good care of yourself then."

I thought I still had a long time.

To slowly forgive him.

To slowly grow up.

To one day suddenly figure things out, go back, call him "Dad," and tell him I don't resent him anymore.

I thought there was still time.

I really thought there was still time.

...

At that time, I really wanted to escape.

I wanted to flip that switch in my mind, wanted to forget all of this and become that carefree "Lin Xiaoyou" again.

I watched helplessly as my father's body was wheeled away.

The sound of the stretcher's wheels rolling across the floor was grating.

I reached out to grab him, but was stopped by the police.

The police said this matter was of great importance, and they hadn't ruled out foul play.

Foul play...

Haha...

How could something like this be an accident?

Something like this...!

Then, I suddenly woke up to reality!

I suddenly realized...

There was still someone waiting for me.

I still had one family member left.

I still had Sister Xiaoqing!

Sister Xiaoqing was still alive!

I needed to go find Sister Xiaoqing!

She was my only family now!

The only one!

So, I turned around and rushed out.

At that time, the hallway was packed with people.

Mourning family members, busy medical staff, and police officers trying to maintain order.

I pushed through the crowd, through the crying and shouting, running outside as fast as I could!

Among the wailing family members, I saw someone.

A boy.

He looked a few years older than me.

He stood out completely from the other crying relatives.

He just stood beside the stretchers holding Aunt Su and Uncle Fang Chu, his hands gripping the edges of the stretchers tightly, refusing to let the hospital staff wheel them away.

He didn't cry, didn't shout, and didn't speak.

He just held on tightly, staring fixedly at his parents.

The hospital staff tried to pry his hands open, but his fingers seemed welded to the stretcher; they couldn't pry them apart no matter what.

Even though I was on the verge of a breakdown at the time, his profile immediately caught my attention.

Because he looked so much like Aunt Su.

In a daze, it was as if I saw Aunt Su herself.

He was the child Aunt Su had always talked about.

That little fool who couldn't even figure out the classic chickens and rabbits math problem.

That boy who would howl in pain after scraping his knees, yet grin with red eyes and say he was fine.

When Aunt Su was alive, every time she mentioned him, her eyes held an unconcealable tenderness and pride.

She had said, that little fool of mine is incredibly stubborn. Once he sets his mind on something, not even ten bulls could drag him back.

It was the same back then.

He just stubbornly gripped his parents' stretchers.

Without saying a word, just staring intently.

At that moment, I thought...

He was just like me.

He also wanted none of this to have happened.

He also wanted to forget it all.

But... I couldn't.

I couldn't forget.

I couldn't run away!

I still had Sister Xiaoqing!

I still had her!

My Sister Xiaoqing was still waiting for me!

So, I rushed out!

...

The entrance of Chenxi Company was still swarming with security guards, reporters, and independent media. Camera flashes were popping off incessantly.

I rushed up, but the security guards stopped me.

They said no one was allowed inside the company right now.

Senior, what do you think I did then?

Of course, I didn't make a scene or cry out.

I am very smart, naturally smart.

I could also control my emotions, a skill honed over three years.

So, I simply turned around, facing the reporters' camera lenses, facing those strangers holding up their phones.

I told them... my father was dead.

He had dedicated everything to Chenxi Company.

His belongings were all inside.

I had to go in and pack up his things.

At that time, my voice was truly very calm, so calm that even I found it unbelievable.

The surrounding reporters and media grew even more excited.

The flashes fired more fiercely, the sound of shutters blending into a continuous roar.

The pressure on the security guards was immense, but they still didn't dare let me in.

I knew they wouldn't dare, and I didn't expect them to.

They were just a bunch of working-class employees, after all.

But I knew that inside Chenxi Company, the surviving management...

They cared about their reputation more than anything.

Before I went to college, my father had even complained to me about it a few times.

Those people wouldn't allow the image of an orphan being blocked at the door to go viral on the internet.

They wouldn't dare chase me away.

They would only invite me in.

Sure enough, the door was soon pushed open.

Someone walked out.

But I suddenly froze.

Because that person...

Was my Sister Xiaoqing.

It was her.

It was really her.

But she had changed.

Changed so, so much.

At the time, her hair was cut a bit shorter, and she was wearing dark casual clothes.

With both hands stuffed in her pockets, she leaned against the doorframe, wearing an expression...

I had never seen before.

Sluggish.

Impatient.

She was no longer the gentle, melancholic older sister in my memory.

She just glanced at me, then impatiently swept her gaze over the reporters and media at the door.

Reporters and media, stop crowding around, she said, her tone exceedingly casual.

Why aren't you at the accident scene or the hospital? What are you doing at our R&D headquarters?

Then, her gaze fell upon me once more.

Indifferent, very calm, as if...

Looking at a stranger.

She waved at me and said, come in.

Then she turned and walked away.

I followed her inside in a daze.

The door closed behind me, shutting out the camera flashes and the clamor.

Standing in the lobby then, watching her back as she walked ahead...

I felt that figure was so incredibly unfamiliar.

It was clearly my Sister Xiaoqing.

The Sister Xiaoqing I had yearned for day and night for three whole years.

But why...

Was her walking posture different?

Why was the way she looked at me different?

Her tone of voice when speaking to me was like... like...

Like she was treating a... visitor she just needed to deal with?

I was truly on the verge of breaking down then!

I had lost my father, lost Aunt Su...

At that moment, all I had left was Sister Xiaoqing!

I didn't understand why Sister Xiaoqing was being so cold to me!

No...

I had actually guessed something back then.

But I didn't dare to believe it.

I could no longer control my emotions.

I rushed up and grabbed her arm!

I said, Sister Xiaoqing! What's wrong with you? Look at me! Why are you being so cold to me!

Startled by my grab, she jumped in shock, turned around, and stared at me with wide eyes.

Perhaps frightened by me, she froze for a few seconds before finally speaking.

She said, excuse me...

The voice was still the one in my memory.

But the tone was so distant.

So...

Polite.

She said...

Who are you?