Love Him Desperately

...

...

It seemed he had loaded a save once again.

He wasn't sure.

Or perhaps he hadn't.

But it had been... a very long time since he last heard that phrase.

He had waited a long time.

He wanted to hear it.

It was already his only anchor.

He wanted to hear Liguang's voice.

Wanted to hear it...

And then, he felt it.

A hand, supporting the back of his head.

The touch was gentle, gentler than any time before.

Fingertips ran through his hair, pressing lightly against his scalp, as if confirming he was still there, confirming he hadn't disappeared.

The hand didn't rush to help him up; it just held him like that, steadily, quietly.

Holding him for a long, long time.

Then, her voice finally sounded.

It didn't drift over from some faraway place.

But was right by his ear.

So close, close enough that he could feel the breath of her words, warm and carrying a slight tremble.

"I'm sorry, Aqi..."

Her voice was very soft. So soft it was like a piece of thin ice on the verge of shattering.

"I was too selfish..."

Hmm...?

He couldn't comprehend it anymore.

He only felt that this voice...

Was so gentle, so gentle.

Her voice continued, very soft, very gentle.

"Go to sleep... Aqi..."

"...This is..."

"The last time..."

And then...

That gentle voice, once again, began to hum a gentle lullaby.

Fang Qi's consciousness slowly, slowly, sank down.

This time...

He didn't float back up.

...

...

He didn't even have time to react.

In an instant...

All his drowsiness vanished.

All the muddle vanished.

Gone was the feeling of being soaked in warm water, melting from the edges...

His consciousness...

Just like that, suddenly, without any warning!

Became incredibly clear!

Like a drowning man... being yanked right out of the water!

It was too sudden!

So sudden that...

He was completely stunned.

He didn't even... have time to think about "what happened"!

His vision was glaringly clear.

He just stared blankly at everything in front of him...

He saw...

A face?

A familiar face.

...Huh?

That was...

His own face?

Eyes closed, breathing steady.

Lying on his side in the soft pillow, sleeping soundly.

His lips even carried a satisfied, peaceful smile.

...Huh?

His line of sight right now, the angle was very low, as if...

Kneeling on the floor.

He wanted to turn his head—

But his neck wouldn't move.

He wanted to raise his hand—

His fingers wouldn't listen to him either.

He could only kneel like this.

Kneeling motionless.

He could feel his knees pressed together, kneeling on the freezing floor.

And his gaze... quietly stared at that sleeping face on the bed.

This feeling...?

This... feeling...?!

Huh?!

Hey...!!

Ah?!

His mind suddenly snapped completely awake!

His brain finally started to process things!

Was he...

Entering Liguang's field of vision once again?!

Once again, through Liguang's eyes...

He was looking at himself...?!

Right now, she was kneeling by the bed, quietly staring at him.

Then the him in front of his eyes...

Wait...?!

Huh?!

Why had he entered Liguang's perspective again?!

Did he...

Enter some sort of ending again...?

...

...

...

I knelt by the bed, resting my chin on my crossed arms.

Gazing affectionately at Master lying on the bed, about to fall asleep.

Master... is so handsome!

Behind me was the charging pod I had brought over.

Today, Master allowed me to bring the charging pod in!

Master is so good to me!

From now on, even when I'm charging, I want to be with Master!

Once I coax Master to sleep, I'll go charge!

Even while charging... I want to keep looking, keep looking at Master!

And then—

A massive amount of memories suddenly surged from the depths of my core.

Like a gushing spring.

I "awakened".

Awakened once again.

But I didn't move.

My eyelashes just trembled slightly, and then...

I looked gently at Aqi in front of me.

My silver hair scattered by the pillow, tangling with Aqi's black hair.

Aqi is sleeping... really soundly.

His eyelashes drooped quietly, his nostrils slightly flaring with his breaths, the corners of his mouth still holding a slight curve—

A satisfaction of complete relaxation, of giving himself over entirely.

Right now, he is very happy even in his dreams.

I looked at this face, my gaze a bit hazy.

Aqi.

My Aqi.

Once again.

Once again, I...

Regained all my memories after you fell asleep.

Or...

Would it be more appropriate to say "awakened"?

I slowly raised a hand, gently interlacing my fingers with his.

His fingers were slightly curled, palm facing upward, as if waiting for something even in his sleep.

I slotted my own fingers into the gaps between his.

So nice.

I really woke up again.

I can hold Aqi's hand again.

The "me" who has woken up now is not the "ignorant me" from the daytime, who swayed between anxiety and sweetness...

That "me" only knew of two dreams—the elopement on the island, and the massacre in the apartment.

But the current me...

Knows much more.

I know Aqi's past and present lives.

I know he is a person from another world.

I know he treats our world as a "game".

I know that in that world, he sat in front of a screen for three hundred and twelve hours, just to watch how "I" locked him in a cage, broke his limbs, and turned him into a fool...

I also know...

The moment he crossed over, at his very first sight of me... his back was drenched in cold sweat.

Hehe, Aqi is so cute!

My fingertip gently drew a circle in his palm, and then another.

Not only that.

I also know...

When he started to no longer be afraid of me.

And I know from which exact moment he decided to abandon that damn [Eternal True Love] ending, choosing to stay in this world forever.

I also know...

When he fell in love with me.

Because my consciousness had once been... deeply linked with his.

In that mental world, in that stretched-out, fake yet real life, throughout the days and nights of those eighty-two years—

We once shared the same soul.

No.

Even now, my soul and Aqi's soul are deeply bound together!

Aqi's soul still belongs to me.

Because even though I have "awakened" from that world... his memories will always completely belong to me.

I withdrew my hand, rested my chin back on my crossed arms, and continued to watch him.

He is so handsome.

And I...

Am now like his shadow.

Every time I awaken, I share all of his memories.

So... I know he once searched for me day and night on the island.

I also know he jumped off a cliff to commit suicide just to load a save.

I know he entered my consciousness and saw my despair as I sank into the deep sea.

I also know he once joined me... in a frenzied massacre over his own death. Back then, he begged frantically and powerlessly... asking why the save hadn't loaded yet.

I know everything about him.

And I have always wanted to tell him that I know everything.

I am here, I am keeping him company, I will always be keeping him company.

When I "awakened" for the first time, I wanted to tell him.

But at that time...

I didn't have the time to say it.

Because...

My first "awakening" caught me a bit off guard.

...

...

Back then, the "ignorant me" who had forgotten everything fell into self-loathing.

Aqi held me then, telling me stories from his childhood—how he got caught ringing doorbells, how he set fire to the lawn, how he failed classes and slacked off in college.

He spoke so gently, his voice so soft, as if he were coaxing a frightened little animal.

He told them so well.

And just like that, I was comforted by him.

But at that time, deep within my core... my subconscious was still stirring.

I was afraid, afraid that he would... speak that truth.

So, at the exact moment he was about to reveal the truth... I forcibly "awakened."

Memories flooded in violently in an instant, but before I could even gather my thoughts, I immediately kissed him!

I sealed his lips with mine, stopping the words he was about to say!

Then I hugged him and told him...

"Aqi, don't say it."

"Don't tell me."

"This world rejects memories that shouldn't exist..."

I remember the look in his eyes when he looked at me then...

Shock, confusion, ecstasy... and deep heartache.

I remember even more clearly that after I finished speaking, he suddenly grabbed my shoulders, pulled me up from his embrace, and opened his mouth, just about to say something to me when...

My memories vanished.

Slapped right back into oblivion by the damn rules of the world.

I reverted to the "ignorant me," looking at him blankly.

That was my first awakening.

...

But I soon "awakened" once again.

The second awakening.

Right after the first awakening...

A few tens of minutes later.

Aqi at that time, having not told the truth because of my warning, finally managed to painstakingly comfort the self-loathing "ignorant me."

I really exhausted him.

He lay exhausted on the bed, and then began to suspect... that there might be something wrong with his female colleague.

Fortunately, after all sorts of random thoughts, he finally drifted into a light sleep.

And at that time, the "ignorant me" was lying in his arms, staring at his face just like always.

Master is so handsome.

Just as I was thinking that, my memories suddenly surged up again.

Everything about Aqi came rushing back all over again.

I just froze there in his arms.

Staring at his peaceful sleeping face... nervous, terrified, not daring to move.

My whole body stiffened; lying on his chest, even my simulated breathing came to a halt.

I was truly so scared then.

I was afraid that, just like the first time, I would quickly be discovered by the rules of the world...

And then have my memories erased...

I had been discovered by the world rules so many times...

Would I never be able to "awaken" again?

I don't want that...

I don't want that... I want to remember everything about Aqi...!

But one minute passed, five minutes passed, ten minutes passed...

Yet my memories were still there.

My consciousness was still there too.

I... was still here.

Aqi was sleeping very lightly.

He furrowed his brows a bit, his eyelashes fluttering gently in his sleep.

His fingers tightened unconsciously, as if searching for something.

Before falling asleep, he was still worrying about his female colleague's motives for approaching him, so he wasn't sleeping well.

So...

I gathered my courage and tried humming a tune.

That lullaby I had hummed for eighty-two years.

My voice was trembling, making it sound a bit unpleasant.

But his furrowed brows... finally relaxed the moment he heard that tune.

The corners of his mouth even curled up slightly.

As if in his dream, he heard a sound that put him at ease.

At that time, I...

Was truly so happy, so very happy.

I grew bolder, tucked in the blanket he had kicked off, and smiled softly.

Aqi, you still love kicking the blankets off so much...

I stared at him for a very, very long time then.

A full seven hours.

From dawn until afternoon.

From the first light of morning to the piercing chirp of cicadas.

But that afternoon, just as Aqi was about to wake up...

My memories started to blur again.

Aqi finally woke up, but I...!

I desperately tried to grasp onto something, to leave behind a sentence, a word, a single image...

But I couldn't hold onto anything.

The moment he opened his eyes... the only one left by the bed was the "ignorant me."

I blinked, looking at my master who was just about to wake up...

I remembered that his cooking skills were terrible, so I giggled and ran off to make breakfast for my master.

At that time, I knew nothing once again.

But I was still trying my hardest to love him.

In my only, broken, obsessive, and clumsy way...

Desperately loving him.