I'm a Simp, So Normies Please Die (Two-in-One Trilogy)

Luo Shuhe paused her in-game actions, casting a faint glance at Luo Shuning before continuing to speak through the game:

"This is truly amusing. The 'wife' I mentioned was just a joke, but the way my sister talks about being his wife makes it sound like an indisputable fact."

"Isn't it? Who do you think our brother truly likes? Don’t you have any thoughts on that?" Luo Shuning fired back without backing down, her finger firmly pressing the V key.

"Are you really that confident, sister?"

"That confident."

"Blind confidence never ends well. I hope you won’t be crying later."

"I’ll return those exact words to you. But when the time comes, I’ll be sure to comfort you—along with your brother-in-law. After all, no matter what, I’ll always be your sister."

"......"

Luo Shuning and Luo Shuhe went back and forth in the game, treating the two hapless onlookers as judges in their verbal sparring.

Gu Luo, watching the two of them idling at home, felt his scalp tingle.

Clearly, his two teammates had long lost any interest in playing.

Three teammates—one had already quit, and the other two were AFK.

Truly, when angels and demons clash, it’s the innocent simps who suffer.

At this moment, the two simp comrades had no mind for the game, too busy listening to the sisters’ heated exchange.

One sister had a cold, domineering voice, the other soft and gentle.

And yet, both were fighting over a brother with no blood relation, vying for the title of his future wife.

Unbelievable. Even the most brainless wish-fulfillment novels wouldn’t dare write something this absurd.

Is there no justice?

No human rights?

Do our lives as single simps not matter?

I swear, if I could rally every member of the FFF Brotherhood, I’d round up all these obnoxious lovey-dovey types and burn them at the stake.

This simp hereby declares: Death to normies!

"Uh… this isn’t some scripted show, is it?" Simp No. 1 ventured hesitantly.

"Feels like it. Otherwise, this is just too ridiculous…" Simp No. 2 quickly agreed.

Both were praying this was just a staged performance.

Otherwise, someone was about to have a mental breakdown.

"Yeah, yeah, it’s just a script! We’re filming a short—" Gu Luo seized the chance to explain.

"Shut up."

Luo Shuhe cut him off mercilessly, her expression icy. "No one will mistake you for mute if you stay quiet, brother. My feelings aren’t some script."

Then, her tone shifted.

"Of course, whether my sister’s feelings are fake is another story. Wanting to be together after just two weeks? How reckless."

"As if you’ve known him any longer. Brother and I fell in love at first sight—is that so wrong?"

"Love at first sight is just lust in disguise. How shallow, sister."

"Well, brother is handsome and charming. So what if I’m shallow? I’ll own it."

"Hah. Finally admitting it. Unlike you, I’m drawn to brother’s soul."

"You’ve only known him for two weeks too. Two weeks is enough to understand his soul?"

"......"

And so, the angel and the devil traded barbs, neither yielding an inch—pure offense, zero defense.

The four of them remained AFK at home.

Meanwhile, the enemy team, initially getting steamrolled, started typing in chat, asking what was going on.

Seeing this, the two simps promptly spilled the entire story in public chat.

Clearly, they were determined to drag the five poor opponents down with them.

If they were going to suffer, everyone would suffer.

Upon learning that two sisters were fighting over their non-blood-related brother, the five single dogs on the opposing team also had a collective meltdown.

They proceeded to rush Gu Luo’s character and slaughter him on sight.

Then came the relentless corpse-camping.

The two simps, no longer AFK, quickly bought machine guns and joined in on the corpse abuse.

In no time, seven out of the ten players in the match were spawn-camping Gu Luo.

Reports flew in every few seconds.

At this point, did winning or losing even matter?

Win or lose, this normie scum had to die!

Seriously, just trying to play a game, and we get hit with this kind of flex?

Thus, the match concluded with the sisters’ fierce rivalry and seven miserable players endlessly spawn-camping.

Unsurprisingly, the account of a certain normie scumbag earned a seven-day ban.

Gu Luo didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Thank goodness those guys didn’t know the little devil had casually topped up 10,000 yuan into his account.

Otherwise, they’d probably explode from sheer rage on the spot.

Ahem.

Gu Luo cleared his throat, swallowed nervously, and cautiously whispered to the two sisters, "Uh… my account’s banned, so no more gaming for now…"

"You’ve been talking so much—you must be thirsty. I’ll go get you some water."

He just wanted to escape this battlefield.

Too terrifying.

Casually driving eight innocent souls to the brink of despair.

"Just buy another account." Luo Shuhe clearly wasn’t letting him off that easily.

Without hesitation, she picked up her phone and transferred 2,000 yuan to Gu Luo.

"Buy one now. I’m not done playing yet."

Gu Luo naturally refused the money, sounding utterly defeated. "I prefer my own account… Let’s play again next week…"

"Shuhe, you’re being too domineering. Can’t you see brother is exhausted? Unlike some people, I actually care about him." Luo Shuning smoothly delivered a classic "green tea" line.

But coming from the little angel, it was nothing but genuine.

"Sister, do you know why brother is tired?" Luo Shuhe retorted, her gaze fixed on Luo Shuning’s snow-white arms still wrapped around Gu Luo’s.

Seeing the sisters about to reignite their feud, Gu Luo quickly intervened. "Stop! Stop! Stop!"

He rubbed his temples, sighing helplessly. "You’re sisters—real sisters. There’s no need for this…"

"What does being sisters matter? The way you treated me and Shuling before—" Luo Shuhe abruptly cut herself off.

Regret instantly flooded her.

She quickly looked at Luo Shuning, lips parting as if to say something to ease the tension, but words failed her.

Hearing this, Luo Shuning’s expression froze.

She lowered her head slightly, slowly retracting her arms, and forced a weak smile. "I… I’ll go back to my room now…"

With that, she turned to leave.

"Sister!"

Luo Shuhe immediately stood up, grabbing her arm from behind.

"Sister, I didn’t mean it like that."

"It’s fine…" Luo Shuning’s voice was subdued.

Gu Luo watched the sisters, his mind struggling to process the situation.

What just happened?

All he knew was that Shuhe, caught up in the moment, had said something she shouldn’t have.

And now, Shuning’s mood had plummeted.

"Shuning…"

Gu Luo quickly stood up and walked over to Luo Shuning.

"Don't worry, brother, I'm fine."

Luo Shuning slightly raised her head, offering a smile before turning to Luo Shuhe and saying:

"I'm sorry, Shuhe. No matter what, please forgive me one last time."

"No matter how things end, you’ll always be my sister."

Hearing this, Luo Shuhe fell silent for a few seconds before nodding. "Alright."

Then she returned to the table and placed her laptop back into its bag.

"Goodnight, brother."

"Big brother, get some rest soon. Goodnight."

"Ah... goodnight, goodnight."

Gu Luo was still a little dazed.

Both the little angel and the little demon seemed exhausted. After bidding Gu Luo a brief farewell, they left the room together.

Thus, the divine battle came to an end.

Gu Luo collapsed onto the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.

To be honest, though he found this kind of rivalry frustrating,

somehow, he also enjoyed the feeling of being fought over by the two sisters.

Maybe it was vanity, or perhaps some inexplicable emotion.

But the only thing he knew for sure was—letting go of either would hurt.

He’d already decided to cut off all ambiguous relationships in two months,

yet barely an hour had passed, and he was already having second thoughts.

Love was truly complicated.

Gu Luo couldn’t make sense of it now, so he decided to take things one step at a time.

His throat felt dry.

Slowly sitting up, he reached for the cup Luo Shuhe had sipped from earlier.

After hesitating for two and a half seconds, his heart racing, he pressed his lips to the rim where traces of her touch remained and took a drink.

At the same time, memories of the two times Luo Shuhe had kissed him against his will flashed through his mind.

It made his heart flutter uncontrollably.

The sweetness of her lips, the warmth of her breath—it was utterly intoxicating.

Deep down, Gu Luo even began to secretly hope for another forceful kiss...

The moment he realized this, a headache struck.

Damn...

Arghhhh!

This was ridiculous. Why was he thinking like this?

And even if it happened again, he’d have to pretend to resist.

Who was the man here anyway?

Suddenly, he felt the urge to kiss Luo Shuhe forcefully himself, just to reclaim his pride.

But given the current situation, he couldn’t.

If he did, it would mean choosing the little demon.

Yet he could never bring himself to give up the little angel.

Great... another logical dead end.

Just end the world already.

For now, he should check on Shuning.

Gu Luo set the cup aside and picked up his phone from the pillow, sending a message to the little angel:

[Gu Luo: Shuning, are you okay?]

As always, she replied instantly.

[Luo Shuning: Mhm, I’m fine. Though I must’ve looked silly arguing with Shuhe in front of you, brother.]

Reading this, Gu Luo frowned.

He got up, slipped on his slippers, and walked out of his room, stopping at Luo Shuning’s door.

[Gu Luo: Shuning, I’m outside.]

A few seconds later, the door slowly opened.

Gu Luo stepped inside and closed it behind him.

"Brother, what brings you here? I was just about to take a shower." Luo Shuning still wore her gentle smile, pointing to the pajamas laid out on the bed.

But the next moment, she was enveloped in a firm embrace.

"B-Brother...?"

"I don’t know why, but Shuning must be feeling really sad right now." Gu Luo tightened his arms around her.

Hearing this, Luo Shuning froze, her smile vanishing instantly.

She rested her head against his chest and whispered:

"How did you know, brother?"

"Guess. Get it right, and there’s a reward."

"What if I guess wrong?"

"Then double the reward."

"Pfft..." Luo Shuning giggled, lightly punching his chest before teasing,

"Brother, you’re such a smooth talker. Just tell me, how did you figure it out?"

"Simple." Gu Luo stroked her hair softly. "Because Shuning didn’t use any emoticons."

"Oh... so that’s it. Brother, you’re so observant." She lifted her head slightly, her smile widening as her mood visibly brightened.

Huh?

Observant?

"No, brother is anything but observant," Gu Luo joked.

"You totally are..." Luo Shuning began, then suddenly realized the double meaning, immediately pulling away with flushed cheeks. "I-I meant attentive! Brother, you’re so mean..."

"Ahem..."

Gu Luo couldn’t help but laugh at her adorable, flustered reaction.

Given their relationship, playful teasing like this wasn’t harmful—in fact, it brought them closer.

After a moment, he asked,

"Feeling better now?"

Luo Shuning gave him a mock glare but nodded.

"Thank you, brother. I’m really happy now."

She picked up her phone, her slender fingers dancing across the screen.

A second later, Gu Luo’s phone buzzed.

He glanced at it.

A message from the little angel.

[Luo Shuning: Brother, I’m suuuuper happy now! (✿◠‿◠), (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ:･ﾟ✧, (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄), O(∩_∩)O, (｡♥‿♥｡), (≧ω≦)]

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