I Really Want to Live Another Five Hundred Years

As Gu Qingfeng continued to chant, those bizarre syllables resonated once more.

A faint buzzing sound emerged from the depths of the void, as if countless voices had been woven together. At first, it was as soft as a droplet falling to the ground, but soon, the sound grew louder and more imposing, as if echoing from beyond the heavens—sinister, eerie, and soul-shaking...

Suddenly, an unimaginably massive projection descended.

"You lowly insect! How dare you summon me again?!"

The Life-Devouring Heavenly Demon roared in disbelief, its voice thunderous, shaking the very heavens and earth.

It had never expected that after offending a Heavenly Demon from beyond the realm, someone would still dare to summon it again!?

Gu Qingfeng scratched his ears, which were itching from the deafening noise, and snapped, "Keep your damn voice down! What if you attract the Heavenly Dao again? You’ll just get kicked out like a damn dog!"

The Life-Devouring Heavenly Demon froze. Having existed for countless epochs, it had never encountered such an audacious human—one who dared to curse it to its face. Today, it had truly witnessed something unprecedented.

"You wretched insect!!!" The Heavenly Demon erupted with a fury unlike anything before, its rage now beyond measure.

"You dare speak to me with such insolence! Do you even comprehend the greatness of the existence you—"

"Shut the hell up!" Gu Qingfeng bellowed back, his own anger flaring. "Are you deaf or just stupid? I told you to lower your damn voice!

A dog that bites doesn’t bark, and a dog that barks doesn’t bite.

You’re just flapping your damn lips! If you’re so tough, why don’t you do something? Weren’t you all high and mighty just now? Didn’t you say I’d regret ever seeing you again? Well, here I am—what are you gonna do about it?"

The Heavenly Demon was left speechless, utterly dumbfounded. Accustomed to its lofty status, it had never been subjected to such crude, unfiltered insults. A boundless fury seethed within it, yet it had no outlet.

"You... you... how dare... I—"

"You you you, what the hell are you stuttering for? So the mighty Heavenly Demon’s a damn stutterer too?"

"Argh! You’re dead! I swear, even if I must traverse the myriad realms, I will hunt you down, capture you, and imprison you in the Demon Realm to suffer eternal torment—"

"Oh, give it a rest." Gu Qingfeng cut it off. "I’ve met plenty of demons like you. All talk, no action. If every one of you actually followed through on your threats, I’d have ascended to godhood by now.

Here I stand, right in front of you—so come on, hit me!"

Gu Qingfeng was genuinely puzzled. Had Heavenly Demons become so patient these days? Even after being cursed to their face, they wouldn’t lift a finger?

Suddenly, it dawned on him.

"Wait a damn minute—you can’t attack me, can you? Do I have to sacrifice lifespan again to re-establish the connection first? Damn it, why didn’t you say so sooner?

Hurry up! I’m sacrificing all my remaining lifespan!" (Four hundred years.)

The moment the words left his mouth, a milky-white orb shot out from the void, racing toward him with frantic haste.

Gu Qingfeng caught the orb of lifespan, and instantly, an unseen connection formed between him and the Life-Devouring Heavenly Demon.

"Die, insect!"

The Heavenly Demon’s frenzied roar shook the heavens.

In the next instant, an enormous spectral claw manifested in the void, slashing toward Gu Qingfeng with terrifying force.

Gu Qingfeng stared excitedly at the incoming claw, then at the forty years of lifespan in his hand, grinning like a madman.

"Grand opening special—buy one, get one free!"

The claw tore through his body.

Ding!

Host has been attacked by the Life-Devouring Heavenly Demon.

Lifespan +500!

Five hundred years?! An extra hundred on top?! Was the Heavenly Demon getting desperate?

Gu Qingfeng trembled with excitement, eyes wide, drool nearly dripping from his lips. He felt like bursting into song right then and there.

I really wanna live another five hundred years!

"Impossible!!" The Heavenly Demon howled in disbelief. "How?! How did you steal my lifespan instead?! Just what the hell are you?!"

"I’m your daddy! What’cha gonna do about it? Huh? Wanna hit me again?"

"I’ll fcking kill you!" The Heavenly Demon completely lost its composure, even abandoning its usual majestic self-references.

Yet despite its furious screams, several seconds passed with no follow-up attack.

Gu Qingfeng slapped his forehead. "What, the connection broke again? Man, you’ve got no stamina at all!"

Without hesitation, he shouted, "Hey, son! I’m sacrificing all my lifespan again!" (Nine hundred years.)

Another milky-white orb descended from the heavens, darting into his grasp like lightning.

Before Gu Qingfeng could even taunt further, a colossal spectral scythe-wielding claw descended from above.

Swish!

The scythe cleaved through him.

Ding!

Host has been attacked by the Life-Devouring Heavenly Demon.

Lifespan +2000!

"Keh-keh-keh..." Gu Qingfeng cackled wildly, shaking with glee. "Again! Son, I’m sacrificing all my—hey hey hey, don’t run away!"

The Heavenly Demon’s massive projection was already receding from this world like a retreating tide.

"Damn it! I knew it—you Heavenly Demons are all bark and no bite! Just a bunch of cowards who flee the moment things get tough! Come back and fight me one-on-one!"

"You wretched insect! I’ve locked onto your aura! Mark my words—my true form will descend to drag you into the Demon Realm, where you’ll suffer for eternity!"

With that, the Life-Devouring Heavenly Demon vanished from this realm.

The demon was no fool. It had already exerted the maximum power this world could tolerate. Any more, and it would draw the attention of the Heavenly Dao.

If even this level of power couldn’t harm Gu Qingfeng but instead gifted him over two thousand years of lifespan, why stay? Just to endure more insults?

"Fine, you wanna leave? Then I’ll just summon you again!" Gu Qingfeng activated the sacrificial formation with his soul force and began chanting the incantation anew.

An incense stick’s worth of time passed.

Despite reciting until his throat was dry, the Heavenly Demon gave no response whatsoever.

Gu Qingfeng fumed. After swindling just 2,900 years of lifespan (plus 150 years of unclaimed lifespan), the damn sheep had already bolted?

Tch. As expected of a Heavenly Demon that had lived for who-knows-how-long. Not even his Oscar-worthy acting had fooled it.

Worse, the thing had memorized his aura. No matter how many times he tried summoning it now, it wouldn’t respond. What was he supposed to do?

Was his dream of eternal youth shattered just like that?

After wallowing in despair for a whole three seconds, a light bulb went off in his head.

"Wait—why not just summon a different one? The demon only remembers my aura, not someone else’s!"

No time to waste.

Gu Qingfeng yanked a weasel out from an alternate dimension.

"Master, how may I serve you?" The plump, big-headed weasel asked nervously.

"Here, take this scroll and summon a Heavenly Demon for me using the method written here." Gu Qingfeng tossed the demonic scroll to the weasel.

The weasel took the scroll and glanced at it, his face instantly turning pale with terror. He dropped to his knees, kowtowing frantically, and stammered, "M-Master... Master, p-please don’t offer me as a sacrifice! Just give me three more days—no, one day! One day is all I need! I swear I’ll finish building your 1,500-square-meter, three-story lakeside villa with a swimming pool, a wraparound terrace, and a backyard garden! I won’t delay the construction any longer!"

Terrified, the weasel thought his slow progress had angered Gu Qingfeng, who now intended to sacrifice him as punishment.