Designated Driving Master

"I'm just so damn wronged!"

"Wuwuwu, I'm so wronged..." In the bar, the drunken Chen Hai whined like a 200-pound child, burying his face in Aunt Li's arms,

"I didn’t do it on purpose, I really don’t remember anything! But that woman insists on separating. What am I supposed to do?"

Aunt Li patted his back, half-scolding, "You’re too heavy, you’re crushing me!"

"Just coax her," Ye Shuang chimed in. "Anyone would be furious in this situation."

"Exactly," Aunt Li agreed. "Put yourself in her shoes, Chen Hai. Imagine if your wife suddenly told you she had a child and couldn’t even remember how it happened. Wouldn’t you be mad?"

Chen Hai thought about it and realized they had a point.

"So what’s the plan now? If you two really separate, who gets custody of Qiaoqiao?" Ye Shuang asked. "And what about Zhou Min? Is she really moving in with Uncle Chen?"

Chen Hai sighed. "My parents want to take Zhou Min in and care for her until the baby’s born."

"But my wife said if they bring Zhou Min home, she won’t step foot in the house again."

Even though Ye Shuang wasn’t there, he could imagine the headache—neither side could back down. Zhou Min was already pregnant with Chen Hai’s child, and given how far along she was, Uncle Chen and his wife would never agree to an abortion.

Forcing Zhou Min to terminate the pregnancy was out of the question, not to mention the severe risks of a late-term abortion.

"Sigh, I don’t even dare call Qiaoqiao anymore," Chen Hai groaned.

How was Qiaoqiao supposed to process suddenly having a sibling?

"She’s young, but hiding it from her won’t help," Ye Shuang said.

"I know..."

Chen Hai suddenly grabbed Ye Shuang’s shoulders. "Hey, Ye Shuang, do you—do you know of any abortion pills? Something discreet, no one would even—"

"Are you insane?!" Ye Shuang scowled and slapped him hard. "Snap out of it! You can’t just harm someone like that!"

Stunned, Chen Hai turned to Aunt Li. "Aunt Li, tell me, is this idea really so—"

Before he could finish, Aunt Li slapped him too.

"You idiot!"

With two perfectly symmetrical red handprints on his face, Chen Hai finally seemed to calm down, though his words were still slurred.

"Damn, you guys... really are my best friends, huh?"

"Ugh." Aunt Li rolled her eyes. "Women don’t stay mad because of the issue itself—it’s the emotions behind it. Just swallow your pride, go grovel, and let her beat you up if she wants. Once she vents, she’ll cool down."

"But I’m the victim here too!" Chen Hai protested.

"Your wife’s the one suffering more," Ye Shuang countered. "You got to have your fun and don’t even remember it. She’s the one traumatized. No matter what, you need to make it up to her first. We’ll deal with Zhou Min and the baby after it’s born."

"...Yeah." Chen Hai mumbled, then suddenly asked, "Do you think... Zhou Min actually has feelings for me?"

"No idea," Aunt Li crossed her arms. "If you really saved her back then, it’s possible she developed feelings... but..."

Ye Shuang added,

"But we're adults now, let's be more realistic about things."

He suspected Zhou Min might not be as simple as she seemed.

"Chen Hai, don’t let Zhou Min sweet-talk you into anything, got it?" Ye Shuang warned seriously. "Pillow talk is the hardest to resist."

"Pfft, do I look like that kind of guy?" Chen Hai grumbled.

...

By the time they finished drinking, it was already late.

"Boss Ye, let me drive you back," Little Lv offered.

"No need, I’ll just call a designated driver," Ye Shuang said, supporting Chen Hai with a smile.

"See you."

"Mhmm~~~ Come again next time~~~"

Ye Shuang hadn’t drunk much and was still fairly sober, but Chen Hai was completely wasted, his face flushed red.

"Who needs a damn driver? I can drift this car myself!" Chen Hai slurred.

"More like a hearse drifting. Not a single drop of alcohol before driving," Ye Shuang retorted, dragging Chen Hai along as he pulled up a ride-hailing app to book a driver.

Since they were in the city, a driver was matched almost instantly.

Ding.

[Driver is 500m away, estimated arrival in 2 minutes. Your driver: An Shifu. Rating: 1.8 stars, outperforms 0% of drivers in the city.]

[(Overwhelmingly negative reviews) (City’s worst) (Specializes in customer complaints)]

[Warning: This driver has received excessive negative feedback recently. Free cancellation available.]

Ye Shuang’s slight buzz evaporated instantly. He quickly tapped on the driver’s profile picture—

A short-haired girl with a deadpan expression, flashing a peace sign.

"Cancel!" Ye Shuang shuddered, as if recalling some terrible memory, and immediately reached to hit the cancellation button.

But the next second, the loading icon spun endlessly.

"Seriously?! The signal dies NOW?"

Just then, a blinding light cut through the dimly lit street, illuminating everything in an instant.

"Huh? Is it morning already?" Chen Hai blinked drunkenly, looking around in confusion.

Ye Shuang squinted at the source of the light and gasped.

"I’m MC Water Guanyin, dropping these sultry beats—Dong↗ Dong↘ Dong↗ Dong↘!" A booming speaker blared as a tiny foldable electric scooter rolled up, its body plastered with glowing LED strips and a headlight bright enough to rival a flashbang—

Ye Shuang: "..."

A girl sat on the scooter, wearing a cat-eared helmet.

"Oh? Fancy meeting you here, old man." An Shiyu pulled up beside Ye Shuang and flipped up her visor, sounding mildly surprised.

She even wore a black face mask, leaving only her eyes visible.

"Is there anything you don’t do?" Ye Shuang deadpanned.

An Shiyu sighed. "Poor kids grow up fast."

"That speaker alone costs tens of thousands, doesn’t it?"

"Oh, I found it on the side of the road."

"Who the hell just finds a limited-edition global-release speaker lying around?!"

An Shiyu gave him a look. "Take it or leave it."

Ye Shuang: "I’ll leave it. I’m canceling the ride."

"Ehhh—" An Shiyu dragged out her whine. "I haven’t gotten a single job today. How could you be so heartless, old man?"

With that, she squatted on the ground and pretended to wipe away tears.

"Damn, Ye Shuang, you monster. Bullying such a pitiful little girl," Chen Hai slurred drunkenly.

Ye Shuang: "..."

"Fine, let’s just go." Ye Shuang gave up resisting.

An Shiyu immediately stood up and waved a hand. "Should’ve just agreed earlier."

...Maybe he should cancel after all.

An Shiyu deftly folded up her electric scooter and placed it in the car’s trunk. Her practiced movements even took Ye Shuang by surprise.

This car should be fine, right? Compared to her "chopped pepper fish head" of a vehicle, at least riding in this one wouldn’t make anyone carsick. And there wouldn’t be any weird music blasting either.

At that moment, An Shiyu settled into the driver’s seat, plopped the speaker onto the passenger seat, and began tapping away with her fingers—beep, beep, beep.

Ye Shuang suddenly had a bad feeling.

"Oh, customer, you can’t do this, you’re getting closer and closer~" As the music blared from the speaker, An Shiyu floored the accelerator and shot forward.

"?!"

"Gotta admit, listening to this song makes me feel like my side bangs are about to grow back. Ugh, uh…" Chen Hai chuckled beside her before suddenly looking like he was about to puke.

"Damn it, don’t you dare throw up in my car!"