Confusion

But she thought it wasn’t certain. Maybe it wasn’t definite.

She was still afraid.

Afraid that Gu Chengyin would refuse. Afraid that he didn’t need her.

Afraid that he already had too many women around him—women so brilliant that no matter how hard she tried, she could never reach them.

Xiao Ruxu shook her head.

The shake was slow, so slow it felt like she was using it to tell Cui Zilu:

The thing you’re worried about isn’t worth your worry.

Her fingers slid down from the top of Cui Zilu’s head, landing on her shoulder, and she patted it gently.

“Based on what your father and I know about Gu Chengyin, he won’t refuse, but he won’t agree immediately either.”

Cui Zilu nodded.

This estimate had already been shared with her long ago, before the decision to propose a marriage was made, before the Chengdu Academy had even been built.

In the countless late-night talks between mother and daughter, Xiao Ruxu had said these words.

Gu Chengyin wouldn’t refuse, but he also wouldn’t agree right away.

That was his style. His instinct. The mask he wore in the court and in front of everyone.

Gu Chengyin never let anyone easily see his cards. He never let anyone think something was a sure thing.

Even in a marriage proposal, even in an alliance, even with someone he might actually marry—

Gu Chengyin would never say yes immediately.

He would think. Observe. Wait. He would mentally run through every possible variable countless times.

Only then would he make the decision that was most advantageous, safest, and least regrettable for him.

This wasn’t a sign of dislike or unwillingness. It was an inborn caution and restraint.

This deep-rooted self-possession was fused into Gu Chengyin’s being, inseparable and unchangeable.

Cui Zilu knew this.

She knew all of it.

But even so, her heart was still unsettled.

She was the legitimate daughter of the Qinghe Cui clan, the only child of Cui Shifan and Xiao Ruxu, the master of the Chengdu Academy.

She had thought herself confident enough—no longer troubled by the question of whether she was good enough.

But in front of Gu Chengyin, Cui Zilu found that all her confidence was like an outer coat soaked through with water.

It hung heavy on her body. Instead of keeping her warm, it only made her feel afraid.

Those names inevitably drifted into her mind: Luo Zhao, Lin Qingyan, Shangguan Yunying.

Every single one of them was beyond her reach.

Luo Zhao was a Crown Princess, the destined heir to the throne, the future Empress of the Great Luo Dynasty.

Lin Qingyan was the Jingzhe of the Heavenly Masters’ residence—an invincible Golden Core powerhouse, a presence no one in the court dared to provoke.

Shangguan Yunying was the Chief Lady Officer of the Crown Princess Palace, the eldest daughter of the Shangguan family, and also her best friend.

Each of them was so dazzling, so exceptional, so worthy of standing by Gu Chengyin’s side.

And what about her?

She was the legitimate daughter of the Qinghe Cui clan. To others, this status might seem high—so high that countless people looked up to it.

But in front of these three, it wasn’t that high. It truly wasn’t that high.

Xiao Ruxu saw through Cui Zilu’s worry in an instant.

Her hand moved from Cui Zilu’s shoulder back to the top of her head, and she rubbed it gently.

The movement was exactly the same as before—neither too hard nor too soft, neither too fast nor too slow.

“Zilu, do you still remember what your mother told you back then?”

Cui Zilu nodded. She remembered perfectly.

It was right after they first returned to Qinghe County.

She had been sitting alone in a barren sycamore grove, hugging her knees.

Watching the fallen leaves drift down one by one.

Like her confidence and courage, falling bit by bit.

She had sworn to become strong—very, very strong—strong enough to stand by Gu Chengyin’s side.

Strong enough that no one could outshine her. Strong enough that when he looked at her, his eyes would no longer just see the eldest daughter of the Cui estate, but Cui Zilu.

She thought she could do it.

She thought that as long as she worked hard, pushed herself, poured all her time and energy into it, she could catch up to those women’s footsteps.

But afterward, news about Gu Chengyin kept streaming in from the capital.

Every piece of it hit like a heavy hammer, smashing the fragile confidence Cui Zilu had painstakingly built.

Those beautiful and accomplished older sisters took their places beside Gu Chengyin, one after another, becoming indispensable figures in his life.

And she, Cui Zilu?

She was in Qinghe County, a thousand li away, on a plot of barren land, starting from scratch.

She didn’t even know when she would manage to build this academy.

Didn’t know if this academy, once built, would be of any use to Gu Chengyin.

Didn’t know that even if it was useful, whether he would use it, or if he did, whether he would remember who had built it for him.

Cui Zilu knew nothing.

All she knew was that those older sisters were beside him—and she was not.

Those older sisters were needed by him—and she still didn’t know when she would be needed by him.

Those older sisters had left marks on his life—and she hadn’t even made a single one yet.

Cui Zilu had fallen into a deep confusion.

It was like being pushed from a high place, but not yet reaching the bottom.

Still drifting in the air, weightless, unable to find anywhere to land.

Especially after she learned about Lin Qingyan, the Jingzhe of the Heavenly Masters’ residence.

An invincible Golden Core power, Luo Zhao’s aunt, an existence no one dared to provoke in the court.

So beautiful, so brilliant, so radiant—like a celestial maiden descending from heaven.

When Lin Qingyan stood beside Gu Chengyin, she was like the sun, making everyone around her shield their eyes.

And Cui Zilu—she didn’t even have the right to stand by Gu Chengyin.

What did she have to compare to Lin Qingyan?

What did she have to compare to Luo Zhao?

What did she have to compare to Shangguan Yunying?

Absolutely nothing.

Cui Zilu could find no advantage of her own.

Family background? The legitimate daughter of the Cui clan was indeed illustrious, but the clan’s glory wasn’t hers.

Beauty? She had it—but so did those older sisters. Her cuteness was nothing compared to their allure.

Talent? She thought she had it, but after seeing them, she felt her little bit of talent was no more than the light of a firefly, while they were the bright moon.

Even if she returned to Gu Chengyin’s side, he probably wouldn’t even glance at her.

This thought was like a thorn, lodged deep in Cui Zilu’s heart for a long time.

So long that she thought she had grown used to it, but every time she thought of it, it still hurt.

It was then that her mother, Xiao Ruxu, came.

Cui Zilu remembered that day.

She had been sitting alone in the sycamore grove from afternoon to dusk, from dusk into night.

She didn’t know how long she had sat there—only that it had grown dark, the stars had lit up, the wind had chilled, and so had her heart.

Then she heard footsteps behind her, unhurried.

Cui Zilu turned around. There stood Xiao Ruxu under the moonlight, wearing a simple dress.

Her hair bun was slightly loose, a few strands stuck to her forehead, as though she had traveled a long way.

Her face showed no reproach, no concern, not even any extra expression.