The Things Unattainable in Youth

Cui Manor, the young lady's bedchamber.

Cui Zilu returned to her room in a daze, looking as if she had lost her soul.

She stumbled toward the carved wooden bed and threw herself onto it, burying her face deep into the quilt.

Her body had returned, but her spirit remained in the carriage, trapped under Shangguan Yunying's piercing gaze.

After being bombarded by that merciless scolding, Cui Zilu was completely stunned.

Born into a noble family, she had grown up seeing and hearing things; it wasn't that she didn't understand the treachery of the court or the heavy burdens of her clan.

It was just that, in the past, these things had always felt so far away, kept at bay by the protection of her father and mother.

She could comfortably immerse herself in her own little world, reading plays and stories, and chasing after the people and things she found interesting.

But today, Shangguan Yunying had ruthlessly dragged her out of that rosy bubble of fantasy and pinned her against the cold, hard ground of reality.

Cui Zilu finally realized profoundly that her actions were not merely mischievous and reckless; they were foolish and irresponsible, capable of bringing about disastrous consequences.

The lingering fear and shame brought on by this realization left her looking for a hole to crawl into.

But what made her chest feel even tighter was another, clearer realization.

Cui Zilu discovered that in the eyes of her Brother Chengyin, Shangguan Yunying was an absolute equal.

They could fight side by side, conspire and plot together, pass on the most critical information, trust each other, and naturally embrace, sharing each other's worries and relief.

This was a bond between adults, built upon a foundation of shared goals and mutual understanding.

And what about her?

From beginning to end, she was probably nothing more than a little sister who needed to be taken care of, accommodated, coaxed, and who occasionally caused little troubles.

Yes, a little sister.

This realization was like a fine needle piercing deeply into Cui Zilu's heart, bringing a sharp, sour ache.

She did not want to be a little sister!

But...

Cui Zilu lay motionless on the bed, her mind uncontrollably beginning to draw comparisons.

Family background?

She was the legitimate eldest daughter of the Qinghe Cui Clan. Her father was the Vice Grand Secretary of the Cabinet. Her lineage was illustrious, inferior to no one.

But other than that?

Capability?

Shangguan Yunying was the Chief Female Official. Her martial arts were formidable, her mind meticulous, and she could hold her own.

And what could she do? Recite poetry and match couplets? Play the zither and paint? These might be bonus points within the deep courtyards of a noble manor.

But in the world of flashing swords and bloody shadows where Gu Chengyin lived, what use were they?

Experience and vision?

Shangguan Yunying followed the Crown Prince, personally participating in and even driving major court affairs. Her horizons were broad, her vision grand.

And her? Most of her time was spent trapped within the square confines of the Cui Manor. Everything she saw and heard, apart from the daily life of a noble lady, was just the illusory romance of storybooks and plays.

She knew absolutely nothing about the true game of power and the clash of interests.

Even...

Cui Zilu silently looked down, only to discover in dismay that her line of sight reached her toes without any obstruction whatsoever.

She couldn't help but think of Shangguan Yunying again.

Not only was her figure tall and slender, but her curves were distinct right where they should be, brimming with the charm of a mature woman.

If things went on like this...

The cruel conclusion made Cui Zilu go cold all over:

Aside from her family background, she was inferior to Shangguan Yunying in every way.

Was she to hide behind the identity of the Cui Manor's eldest daughter for the rest of her life, waiting for her family to arrange her fate?

Or rely on that pitiful advantage of her family background to beg for a charity-like favor?

No!

I don't want that!

A flame, born of intense unwillingness and self-loathing, suddenly ignited in the depths of Cui Zilu's heart.

It burned away the confusion and tears in her eyes, and incinerated her former cowardice and naivety.

Then, Cui Zilu sat up from the bed. Her movement was so forceful that her messy long hair flew into the air.

She knew now.

Staying in the Divine Capital, staying under her father's wing to continue being a carefree noble lady, meant she would forever remain just a little sister in Gu Chengyin's eyes.

She had to change!

Right now! Immediately!

Cui Zilu no longer hesitated. She jumped out of bed and strode out of her room with purposeful steps.

She passed through the familiar corridors and courtyards, ignoring the surprised gazes of the maids and servants along the way, heading straight for the study with a clear objective.

Cui Shifan was indeed inside, bent over his desk, writing rapidly as he dealt with a mountain of official documents.

After returning from his audience in the warm pavilion and reaching a deeper level of cooperation with Luo Zhao, he had even more matters to arrange and was swamped with work.

Hearing footsteps at the door, Cui Shifan didn't even look up and said casually:

Is that Zilu? Why aren't you asleep so late? Your father is busy right now, why don't you...

Before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted:

Father.

Cui Zilu stood at the door of the study, her back perfectly straight, and said word by word:

I want to return to Qinghe Commandery.

......

The tip of the brush in Cui Shifan's hand paused, and a drop of thick ink fell onto the snow-white Xuan paper, quickly blooming into a dark stain.

He looked up in astonishment at Cui Zilu standing in the doorway.

Ah?

Cui Shifan couldn't react for a moment. He set his brush down and asked in surprise:

Why do you suddenly want to go back to Qinghe Commandery? Do you miss your grandfather and grandmother? Or are you bored of staying in the Divine Capital?

His first reaction was still to treat Cui Zilu like a child who needed to be coaxed and humored, assuming she was throwing a tantrum or feeling homesick.

Seeing the doting look in Cui Shifan's eyes, Cui Zilu felt a pang of bitterness in her heart, but it immediately strengthened her resolve.

She didn't answer right away. Instead, she thought seriously for a moment before nodding, and then shaking her head:

I really do miss grandfather and grandmother. This was the truth.

Immediately after, Cui Zilu took a deep breath and said with immense determination:

But I'm going back not just because I miss them.

I want to become more capable.

As capable as Brother Chengyin!

When she spoke that name, her voice trembled slightly, but her eyes grew even more searing and bright.

This time, Cui Shifan was truly stunned.

He put his brush down completely and carefully observed Cui Zilu, from her straight back to her tightly pursed lips, and finally to those eyes burning with light.

Numerous speculations flashed through Cui Shifan's mind in an instant.

But regardless, the determination and attitude Cui Zilu displayed in this moment were exactly what he had long hoped for, yet could never bear to force upon her.

Cui Shifan suddenly felt that all the tedious official documents on his desk were no longer so important.

He could skip writing this pile of rubbish.

Cui Shifan stood up abruptly, walked around the large desk, and quickly stepped to Cui Zilu's side.

He didn't reach out to rub her head as he usually did, nor did he speak in a tone used to coax a child.

Instead, he looked at her, a gentle smile appearing on his face:

What's wrong, Zilu? Did someone bully you?

Cui Shifan softened his voice: Tell your father, and your father will definitely stand up for you.

Cui Zilu shook her head vigorously, her small face full of earnestness: No one bullied me. I've figured it out myself.

I shouldn't just play around anymore.

I don't want to be a little child who only knows how to cause trouble anymore!

I want to go home! Back to Qinghe Commandery! I want to study! I want to learn real skills!

I want to know how our family operates! I want to understand what exactly goes on in the court!

Spoken from the mouth of a young girl, these words might still have sounded a bit immature, perhaps even carrying a hint of petulance.

But the determination and longing to break out of the cocoon and become a butterfly contained within it made Cui Shifan feel moved and proud.

He smiled, his mind as clear as a mirror.

She was so angry, her eyes were still red, and she still said no one bullied her?

However, to be able to bully Cui Zilu into having such a strong desire to improve, he really had to thank them well.

After all, Cui Zilu having such awareness and determination was exactly what he had always hoped for.

As an important member of the Cui clan's future, she couldn't always live in a carefree play.

The future of the Qinghe Cui clan required the efforts of every clan member, especially the direct descendants.

"Good!"

Cui Shifan didn't ask anymore. With a wave of his large hand, he decisively agreed, "Zilu having such ambition brings me great comfort! You want to go back, want to study and learn skills, this is a great thing!"

He immediately made the decision, "I will arrange for people to escort you back to our hometown in Qinghe Commandery!"

"At the same time, I will write a letter to your grandfather, asking him to arrange for you to study under the grand scholars with the best knowledge in the family!"

"They are not only proficient in the classics, history, philosophy, and literature, but also have done much research on court affairs, economics, and the people's livelihood."

"Whatever you want to learn, let them teach you."

Cui Shifan's eyes flashed with light, as if seeing Cui Zilu's completely transformed appearance in the future:

"Zilu, since you have made up your mind, you must persevere."

"Study to understand reason, increase your knowledge, and temper your character."

"Father believes that given time, you will definitely make everyone look at you with new eyes."

"Mhm!"

Cui Zilu nodded vigorously, her small face blooming with a firm and hopeful radiance.

At the same time, a thought was deeply engraved in the bottom of her heart, carrying a stubbornness that absolutely refused to admit defeat:

"Brother Chengyin, wait for me!"

"I will definitely work hard, desperately hard! Become very, very powerful!"

And then...

The corners of the young girl's mouth curled up in an arc mixed with stubbornness and longing:

"I will definitely rescue you from Sister Yunying's 'demonic clutches'!"