Yu Wan'er: Do You Have a Pickup System

"Shh, don't say anything, someone's calling me!"

Jiang Che pulled Yu Wan'er close and tucked her under the blankets, raising a finger to his lips in a gesture for silence.

"Be gentle, you're messing up my hair..." The girl shook her arm and gritted her teeth in a hushed protest.

Still, she obediently clamped her mouth shut and nestled into Jiang Che's arms, ready to eavesdrop on his conversation.

Jiang Che made no effort to hide it from her and answered the call directly.

"Hey, my dear grandson..."

Even through the phone, Jiang Che could hear the sycophantic tone in Jiang Yunhuang's voice. That old bastard must be coming to him for another favor.

"Did another ancient martial artist appear behind the Gate?" Jiang Che frowned.

On the other end, Jiang Yunhuang paused briefly before his face lit up with delight and relief.

"Che'er, so it really was you who sent that black-robed expert on Mount Emei last time!"

"Ah... This old man is useless now, even starting to drag down the younger generation..."

Jiang Yunhuang let out a self-deprecating chuckle.

Jiang Che: "..."

Good, at least he knows. All Jiang Che wanted was to be a laid-back villain, occasionally dealing with the so-called "Chosen Ones" and preferably having a powerful backing to rely on.

But ever since the Association of the Destined appeared, things seemed to be spiraling in an unpredictable direction. The Jiang family, once a sturdy tree to lean on, now felt shaky.

With increasingly powerful figures bound to emerge in the future, was he really supposed to be the one standing at the forefront?

Damn it, what about his harem? So many girls were waiting eagerly for his attention every day.

"Che'er, let me tell you something—just now, our Jiang family's ancestral graves started smoking!"

Jiang Che: "..."

Wait, hadn't he already given Jiang Yunhuang a Life-Extending Pill? Why was the old man still spouting nonsense like a dementia patient?

"Ahem, I mean... our ancestors have manifested!"

Realizing how absurd his earlier statement sounded, Jiang Yunhuang quickly recounted everything that had just happened in the Jiang family ancestral hall.

He went on for a solid ten minutes, leaving Jiang Che utterly speechless.

The Jiang family had ancestors in the Upper Realm too? And something called the "Eastern Azure Heaven"? The ancestors weren’t dead—they had ascended?

This was beyond ridiculous. Honestly... Jiang Che suspected the old man had fallen victim to a phone scam.

The whole thing sounded like pure fantasy.

"Che'er, I may be the head of the Jiang family, but how could I possibly know about things that happened centuries ago?"

"You have that mysterious master of yours, right? Ask him—does this 'Eastern Azure Heaven' actually exist? Someone as all-knowing as your master must be aware of this, surely?"

Jiang Yunhuang wasn’t probing; he was genuinely seeking help. Ever since Jiang Che had produced the Life-Extending Pill, he’d been convinced of the existence of Jiang Che’s enigmatic master.

"Huh?"

Jiang Che’s lips twitched. He wanted to curse, but then he thought of his naive mother, probably still traveling the world with his father, and decided against it.

The "master" was nothing but a fabrication. How the hell would he know anything about some nonsense Upper Realm?

Still, judging by most cliché novel tropes, it wasn’t impossible for the Jiang family to have connections up there. After all, they were a millennia-old lineage guarding the "Gate." So that "Jiang Tiedan" guy might actually be real.

But Jiang Che wasn’t about to make claims he couldn’t back up.

If Jiang Yunhuang took it seriously and started boasting everywhere—"Careful, our Jiang ancestor might descend and beat you to death!"—he’d be digging his own grave.

The old bastard had been propping up the Jiang family for so long; he was probably just waiting for this moment.

"Grandfather, my master has long transcended the Nine Heavens. Right now, he’s wandering who-knows-where... Even I can’t contact him easily unless he chooses to appear."

Jiang Che might as well go all out with the lies.

Hmph, a master? As if! You’re such a bullshitter—even worse than me! Keep lying, why don’t you?

Yu Wan'er was already mentally roasting Jiang Che again.

His eye twitched. This girl... Clearly, he hadn’t disciplined her thoroughly enough. What a headache.

Jiang Yunhuang was stunned. Transcended the Nine Heavens? Holy shit... Che’er’s master is that powerful?!

No wonder he could refine Life-Extending Pills. His grandson’s master was on a whole other level!

The Jiang family had truly hit the jackpot this time.

"But you could ask Ruoxu. He also has a mysterious master. Maybe his master can give you answers."

Jiang Che smoothly shifted the blame to his younger cousin.

Mo Lianxing’s past-life cultivation must have been formidable, even if she was down on her luck now. Her insight should be reliable.

"What? Ruoxu has a master too?"

Jiang Yunhuang’s eyes nearly bulged out of his skull.

What was going on with the Jiang family?

Both Ruoxu and Che’er had unfathomably powerful masters—why didn’t he have one?!

For the first time, the old man felt like the world was conspiring against him.

"Yep, Ruoxu’s master is also a big deal. And she’s right by his side. She’ll clear things up for you."

"Oh... Well, in that case, Che’er, you go ahead with whatever you’re doing..."

Jiang Yunhuang’s tone with Jiang Che was infinitely warmer than with Jiang Ruoxu, careful not to say anything that might upset his precious grandson.

...

After hanging up, Jiang Che’s temple throbbed. His expression gradually smoothed into one of utter apathy, as if the entire world had lost all meaning.

"YU WAN'ER!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

He couldn’t hold it in anymore. This girl was the epitome of a brat—always stirring up trouble.

"Hehe... You big liar, spinning tales about some ‘master.’ I’ve been with you for over a year and never seen hide nor hair of one!"

The petite girl licked her lips, then smirked in disdain. She knew Jiang Che inside out—every word out of his mouth was a lie.

"Face it, you don’t have a master. But you do have a system, don’t you? And I bet it’s not some wholesome one either."

Jiang Che raised a brow. This little imp’s intuition was sharper than he thought.

"Oh? And how did you figure that out?" He propped his chin on one hand, grinning at her.

"You... You... You actually have a harem system?!"

"Yep, it’s a harem system. Got a problem with that?"

"I knew it! That so-called ‘cultivation technique’ of yours was just a reward from your sleazy system, wasn’t it?"

Yu Wan’er looked triumphant, as if she’d uncovered some grand conspiracy.

"Oh, so Shen Yu told you, huh?" Jiang Che smirked, though the smile didn't reach his eyes.

Yu Wan'er might seem sharp at first glance, but in reality, she was downright gullible—how else could he have tricked her so easily?

"Huh? How did you know?" Yu Wan'er gasped, covering her mouth in surprise, but her expression quickly cracked.

"You tricked me!!!"