Funny All I See Is a Desperate Captain

Returning to the neighborhood, Shen Nian made a detour to the Cainiao Station to pick up his package.

It was a beginner’s fishing rod he’d bought on Thursday night for two hundred yuan, complete with some freebies—bait and whatnot.

Forget about the quality for now, just focus on the bang for the buck.

Since he might only use it once, there was no need to splurge on something professional. For a complete novice like Shen Nian, who’d never even held a fishing rod before, a stick with a string tied to it would’ve worked just as well.

“Is that a fishing rod?”

“Yeah.”

“You actually bought one? You’re really going fishing?”

“Mhm. If I catch anything, I’ll give it to you. I prefer mine braised.”

“Pfft. Just say you want a free chef to mooch off of.” Xia Yanchun scoffed. “And who says you’ll even catch anything? I’ve seen people sit out there all day without a single bite.”

“Dunno. Just going for fun. If I don’t catch anything, no big deal. I can always resell the rod for some cash back.”

They each fished out their keys and unlocked their doors. Shen Nian stepped inside, swapping his shoes, only to freeze when the smell of cooked food hit him.

The cheerful “I’m home, sis!” died in his throat.

“You’re back? I made dinner—come eat!” Shen Yue emerged from the kitchen, proudly carrying a plate of sweet and sour pork.

“Uh… I already ate at school.” Shen Nian forced a sheepish grin.

“Oh, what a shame. Missing out on your big sister’s signature dish.” Shen Yue sighed dramatically. She’d stumbled upon a step-by-step cooking tutorial yesterday and, caught up in the moment, rushed to the supermarket to grab ingredients that afternoon.

She’d imagined Shen Nian coming home to a lovingly prepared feast—only for him to ruin the surprise by eating elsewhere.

Wait… were those purple skulls floating above the pork?

Shen Nian exhaled slowly. For a second there, he’d genuinely felt his life flash before his eyes. Good thing he was quick on his feet.

A near-death experience? No big deal.

He knew exactly what his sister’s cooking was like.

Picture this: a stray dog, starving for ten days, spots food on the ground and bolts over—only to realize it’s one of Shen Yue’s dishes. At that point, the dog would rather reincarnate on the spot than take a bite.

Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration. It’s just… not great. The texture’s a mess, though someone with bizarre taste buds might enjoy it.

Shen Yue wasn’t hungry either, so she covered the dish and left it on the table. Noticing the long package in Shen Nian’s hands, she tilted her head curiously.

“What’d you buy?”

“Fishing rod.”

“Why?”

“To fish. What else? Tie a carrot to a pig and ride it into battle?”

Shen Yue massaged her temples. “Let me guess—you saw some fishing videos and got hooked. Don’t tell me this is another one of your three-minute passions.”

Shen Nian bristled. “Not like I used your money. If you’ve got a problem, Venmo me two hundred.”

“…”

This guy really had the audacity to mooch and sass her at the same time.

Shen Yue wasn’t actually mad—just worried he’d lose interest by tomorrow and let the rod collect dust.

But whatever. He’d already bought it. Maybe it was just stress relief from the pressures of senior year. She’d let it slide.

“Just don’t come crying to me when you blow through your allowance. When are you going?”

“Tomorrow… afternoon, probably.”

“Fine. But don’t go somewhere remote. And if a fish gets away, don’t jump in after it—even if you can swim.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll just hit up the park nearby.”

“Suit yourself. Want some pork?”

“Haha, no thanks. I’m gonna hang at Xia Yanchun’s.”

Shen Nian bolted before she could insist. Staying any longer would’ve been suicide.

Xia Yanchun’s place was right across the hall. He knocked twice, and after a long pause, the door cracked open just enough for her to peer out.

“What?”

“Came to hang out.”

“Nothing fun here.”

“Let me in.” Shen Nian wedged his foot in the gap and shoved his way inside.

Xia Yanchun flushed with irritation. “You’re such a creep!”

“I didn’t eat. Mooching dinner.”

“All I’ve got is instant noodles.”

“Then I’ll have instant noodles.”

Xia Yanchun rolled her eyes and gave up, tossing two packets at him from the kitchen. “Make mine too. Water’s already boiling.”

“Got it.”

No complaints from Shen Nian—her house, her noodles, her AC.

The layouts of their apartments were identical, and the decor wasn’t too different either. The main distinction? Xia Yanchun’s place was spotless, with far less hair on the floor.

When it came to chores, she put the Shen siblings to shame—daily tidying, deep cleaning every three days.

Meanwhile, Shen Yue just bossed Shen Nian around. If he slacked off, her room and the living room would drown in long strands of hair. (His own room fared slightly better.)

Being at Xia Yanchun’s felt like home.

She flicked on the electric kettle and emerged from the bathroom to find Shen Nian snooping around, even peeking into her bedroom. Another eye-roll.

“Didn’t Shen Yue make dinner or order takeout?”

“She did. But eating it might kill me.”

Xia Yanchun smirked. “I’m telling her you dissed her cooking.”

“Go ahead. Like you’d eat it either.”

“Heh. True.”

Instant noodles were the worst—one pack left you hungry, two made you sick of them.

They neither filled a high schooler’s stomach nor satisfied their taste buds. Just a sad, greasy compromise.

After slurping down his noodles, Shen Nian felt oddly hollow.

Post-meal existential crisis, maybe.

“When are you leaving?” Xia Yanchun hugged a pile of clothes, clearly itching to shower.

“Not leaving.”

“Then take the express route—no elevator, no stairs.”

“Wow. Kicking me out?” Shen Nian crossed his arms, planting himself stubbornly on the floor.

The rebellion was on. If she’d said, “Stay the night, sweetheart,” he’d have left immediately.

…Eventually. Maybe tomorrow.

“Hurry up. I need to shower.”

“What’s stopping you? I’m not in the bathroom.”

“Have some decency, Shen Nian.” She glared.

“Oh, so now you’re suddenly conscious about ‘boys and girls’? Thought you didn’t see me as a guy.” He stood, feigning heartbreak.

“I’m visiting Shen Yue after my shower.”

“No. Please don’t.”

“Too bad.”

“Fine, I’m going. Rolling out as we speak.”

Shen Nian vanished with ninja-like speed, pulling the door shut behind him.

One Shen Yue was trouble enough. Add Xia Yanchun to the mix, and he’d have to crash elsewhere for the night.

The last time Xia Yanchun came over was two months ago.

She and Shen Yue were close—they’d exchanged spare keys, so dropping by unannounced was fair game.

And that’s exactly how Shen Nian’s life had crashed and burned two months prior.

Late-night overtime for Shen Yue meant Shen Nian had the place to himself.

Front door locked, bedroom door not. Headphones on, world off.

Which also meant he didn’t hear Xia Yanchun knocking before she let herself in.

Funny? All he saw was a pilot’s career going down in flames.

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Short chapter today, sorry!

Yanxi’s reminder: Due to Tomato’s servers buckling under 3M+ daily requests, we recommend switching to other sources for now.