What are you mumbling about The charming moments of the ancient charging method...

“For me?”

Du Wanyi narrowed her eyes and held out one hand, palm up.

“For you.” Ye Cheng nodded, then extended one hand and handed Madam a lump of thin air.

Du Wanyi: “…”

“The thing in your other hand.” Du Wanyi narrowed her eyes again.

“Oh, you mean the thing in my other hand? Madam, you should’ve said so. I thought you meant this hand. Fine, I’ll give it to you.”

Ye Cheng nodded, withdrew the hand he had just extended, and brought out the other one he had been keeping behind his back. Once again, he repeated the same action—palm up, fingers spread.

Another lump of air was presented to Madam.

Du Wanyi: “…”

“You dare play me!”

“Bring both hands out!”

With a vicious look on her face, Du Wanyi grabbed Ye Cheng by the collar and lifted him effortlessly off the ground. It looked like she might unleash Madam’s Fangs at any moment.

Ye Cheng decisively raised both hands and turned them over left and right, up and down, his eyes clear and innocent.

“Madam, what are you talking about? I don’t understand. I haven’t played you at all. Both my hands are right here. See?”

As he spoke, Ye Cheng flipped his hands over twice more.

Then he blinked.

Du Wanyi froze for a moment, a giant question mark appearing above her head.

“Huh? There really is nothing there. Did I blame you unfairly, Little Chengcheng?”

Ye Cheng nodded vigorously. “That’s right, that’s right. Madam, have you been under too much stress lately? You may be experiencing auditory hallucinations. When this kind of condition occurs, you really need to get some proper rest…”

“Luckily, I happen to know a little about this. Come here, Madam. What you need most right now is a good rest. Don’t think about any strange things. Empty your mind. That’s right, just like that. Empty your mind…”

As he spoke, Ye Cheng moved behind Du Wanyi and began massaging her scalp.

He also happened to know a little about massage, and his technique was extremely practiced. The moment he started, he practically massaged Madam’s cerebral cortex smooth.

So comfortable… What was this?

Du Wanyi felt as though she was about to start drooling, turning into the kind of idiot who could barely think.

“Good!”

Everything seemed to be developing in a positive direction when, suddenly, a crisp English announcement and the lively, addictive sound effects of a match-three game rang out from somewhere in the cave.

The air seemed to freeze in an instant.

Ye Cheng was instantly drenched in sweat…

For fuck’s sake, you useless mutt! Couldn’t you stop causing trouble at a time like this? Don’t start charging it with some ancient method, or he’d be completely screwed!

The sound had come from the corner where Da Huang was hiding.

Just now, while Ye Cheng had been showing Du Wanyi his “magic tricks,” as well as demonstrating his skill and courage, he had used a diversion to toss his phone to Da Huang and have the dog run off with it.

Who could have known that this damned phone would suddenly start making noise again?

Wasn’t this basically trying to get him killed?

“What was that sound?”

Madam, who had been on the verge of drooling and looking like a complete airhead just a moment ago, instantly became alert. A huge question mark appeared above her head as she searched the cave from side to side.

Ye Cheng: “!!!”

“Madam, what sound?” Ye Cheng asked with a puzzled expression. His acting was flawless and utterly natural.

“Didn’t you hear it? I clearly heard something just now…” Du Wanyi looked confused as she tried to describe the strange sound she had heard.

Ye Cheng sighed. “Madam, your stress is even worse than I imagined!”

“It’s obvious that you’ve been exhausting your mind and spirit lately. Being the head of the household must be very difficult, right?”

Du Wanyi blinked. “It’s all right, I suppose. I sleep until I wake up naturally, then every day I have to decide what to eat. While eating, I have to decide which new short drama to watch. If it isn’t good, I can’t even finish my meal. Once I finally manage to eat, I have to lie down on the sofa for a while and do absolutely nothing…”

Ye Cheng: “…”

Wasn’t this just eating, sleeping, and waiting to die?

So all the stress had been dumped on poor Doudou alone, huh?

Madam, you really were something…

“That does sound incredibly exhausting. No wonder you’re under so much stress. I have the same problem. If I can’t find a mindless little video that I like and that suits my tastes, I can’t eat or sleep…”

Ye Cheng put on an expression that said, “I completely understand you,” and sighed sympathetically.

Du Wanyi looked as though she had found a kindred spirit. Her eyes lit up.

“Exactly! It’s so hard!”

“Yes, Madam. You work so hard, yet Doudou doesn’t understand you at all. All he knows is going to work, working, and going on business trips… He has no idea how painful it is for you to sit at home with nothing to do, racking your brains to find short dramas to watch while you eat!”

“Doudou is really too selfish!” Ye Cheng declared with righteous indignation, passionately criticizing Doudou.

And, incidentally, getting revenge for Doudou ignoring his messages earlier.

You secretive bastard, Doudou. Just you wait. Once Madam gets home, she’ll beat you into a teddy bear biscuit!

“Yes, Doudou is too selfish. When we get back, I’m going to give him a good beating!” Du Wanyi nodded repeatedly, extremely agitated. She had completely bought into everything Ye Cheng was saying.

If brainwashing schemes had leaders, Ye Cheng would absolutely be their top salesman—the entirety of his sales record came from Madam alone.

As everything continued to develop in a favorable direction, Ye Cheng wiped the cold sweat from his forehead while taking advantage of the distraction to keep talking.

Thank goodness. He had gotten away with it.

Fortunately, the person in front of him was Madam. If she had been any normal person, he would have been done for today.

It seemed that being a skin-wearer like Madam wasn’t entirely a bad thing. There were some advantages to it too…

“Awesome!”

Another cheerful match-three announcement came from Da Huang’s direction, this time louder and even more obvious!

“Little Chengcheng, you…” Du Wanyi frowned. “No, it must be because you’re under too much stress.”

This time, before Ye Cheng could even say anything, Du Wanyi had already completed the logic in her own head. Ye Cheng was practically ready to salute her.

“Yes, Madam, your mental stress really is too great. You’re hallucinating again. Come on, let’s continue. We still have three more sets of eight beats. After the massage, you can have a nice, comfortable sleep. Once you wake up, this won’t happen anymore. Sleep now, sleep…”

“Little Chengcheng, I don’t think I ever said I heard a sound just now, did I?”

Du Wanyi nodded, then turned around and countered him.

Ye Cheng: “???”

No, seriously?!

I’m treating you like a brother, and you’re trying to outsmart me?

“Madam, what sound? I don’t understand what you’re talking about…” Ye Cheng said, feigning confusion.

Even after being caught red-handed, he remained utterly unflustered, spouting nonsense as steadily as an old dog.

At a moment like this, the more you panicked, the more you lost. If he lost, he was dead for sure!

“Great!”

“Excellent!”

“Uh… nobody!”

“Awesome!”

The second Ye Cheng finished his sentence, the phone over there suddenly started acting up, wiggling nonstop, and after twitching around, it even let out a bizarre, otherworldly sound along with frantic vibrations.

Da Huang hurriedly pressed its paw down on the back of the phone.

After all, Ye Cheng had warned it earlier that if it messed up one more time, he would turn it into dog meat balls...

Da Huang was trying its very best to cover up the mess, but the harder it tried, the more ferociously the ancient charging method kicked in, draining every last bit of the phone battery's "hidden reserve power"...

Battery: Take it all, just take everything, aaaaaah——

"Uh, no one's here——" the phone kept spitting out weird, utterly goofy sounds.

Ye Cheng: "..."

The hope Ye Cheng had been holding onto was completely crushed. You damned dog, just you wait, I'm really going to turn you into dog meat meatballs!

Damn it!

When Ye Cheng turned his head back, he found Du Wanyi had somehow gotten her face right up in front of his, staring daggers at him.

Ye Cheng: "..."

"Uh, honey, what if I tell you that we've both been under way too much pressure lately, and we both just had the same hallucination? Would you believe that?"

Ye Cheng said after a brief silence, making one last desperate attempt to talk his way out of it.

"Little Cheng Cheng, do I look like an idiot to you?"

"Got any last words you want to say?" Du Wanyi twisted her neck from side to side, starting to warm up for a fight.

Ye Cheng: "..."

"Ah——"

Ye Cheng's scream echoed through the cave.

A few minutes later, Ye Cheng was half-buried in the ground like a ginseng root, the dark circles under his eyes had gotten even darker, and he was practically panda-level now!

Du Wanyi squatted right next to him, messing with the phone.

"Why won't this turn on?" Du Wanyi tapped the phone a few times, but nothing happened.

It was working fine when she first picked it up... Oh, and by the way, the very first thing she did after getting the phone wasn't to contact anyone from the outside world, she immediately dived into a thrilling, intense round of Happy Crush.

She got the hang of it after two matches, but right as she finished the second one, the phone shut down, and that's how it ended up like this now. Du Wanyi tried to turn it back on.

Ye Cheng: "..."

Honey, you are something else.

He'd even been worrying for nothing that she'd sell him out by using the phone to contact people outside. Turns out he was way overthinking it.

Seeing that the first thing Du Wanyi wanted to do after getting her hands on a working phone was play games, Ye Cheng instantly felt relieved, even his tense brain relaxed.

That's my wife, even stuck in this situation, the first thing on her mind is still playing games.

"Little Cheng Cheng, why won't this light up?" Du Wanyi fumbled with it for ages, couldn't figure it out, and brought the phone back over to Ye Cheng.

Ye Cheng: "..."

"I don't know."

Thump thump!

Panda dark circles +1 +1...

"What I mean is, Da Huang that dog needs to take a bite out of it. I call this the ancient charging method. There's no other charging equipment around here, and it's not realistic to hand-make a solar panel, the precision just isn't enough..."

After getting hit twice, Ye Cheng's mind went crystal clear, not only did he give her the solution, he even rambled on explaining the principle behind it.

Though, she probably wouldn't understand any of it anyway.

When have you ever seen a fierce martial arts type excel at book smarts?

What on earth are you blabbering about...

Ye Cheng explained for ages, and at last Du Wanyi got the gist of it... Da Huang takes a bite.

"Come here, Da Huang, take a bite. I want to play my game." Du Wanyi held the phone out to Da Huang, who nodded and took a chomp.

The phone lit up for a split second, then shut right back down, not even finishing the boot-up animation.

"What's going on?" Du Wanyi looked at Ye Cheng, confused.

"Uh... it might be out of battery, or we drained it way too hard, we need more force or something."

Ye Cheng thought for a second and came up with an explanation.

Du Wanyi nodded: "Alright, I get it now. I'll do it myself!"

Munch munch, munch munch... more force!

It's just biting a battery, right?

How hard can that be?

She could do it herself!

Du Wanyi moved to a different spot, took a big bite down, the phone caved in, and at the same time there was a crisp crack sound as the tempered glass shattered!

It lit up!

Boom!

It exploded!

Ye Cheng: "..."

Du Wanyi: "..."