The President's Unspeakable Secret Known Only to Heaven, Earth, You, and Me, and the Poor Little Secretary

Dongfang family villa, first floor, living room.

Squeak, squeak went the hamster wheel... Oh wait, no, it was the treadmill slowly turning, looking completely devoid of energy.

Not only was the sound weak and sluggish, but even the Little Secretary on the treadmill looked completely drained. She had lost all traces of her previous "I can do this" attitude and had turned into a total softie.

Ugh... So tired...

Sleeping when sleepy, eating when hungry, feeling wronged when scolded, and crying under pressure... This was the useless Little Secretary.

She couldn't bear the slightest bit of hardship. The hardest days she had lived through in all these years were probably the few days she spent keeping vigil for her mother, plus the journey of running away from home to the President's house.

The rest of the time was just the Little Secretary enjoying a life of comfort. Having lived this long, she had hardly suffered at all. As for her claims that everyone in her family ostracized and hated her, perhaps there was another side to the story?

At least from the attitude of her father, Li Erhe, it was obvious that he didn't hate his not-so-smart daughter...

"Ugh... I can't run anymore..."

The Little Secretary had completely turned into a puddle of mush. She lay limply on the treadmill like a piece of cured meat hung out to dry. Her little belly was round and bulging, sticking out just like a useless, overfed hamster.

"What is Miss doing in there?" The direction the Little Secretary's treadmill was facing happened to be perfectly aligned with the bathroom. Now lying there like a blob, she had a clear view of the scene inside.

It seemed... her Miss was looking at something?

Just as the Little Secretary was earnestly trying to figure out exactly what her Miss was looking at, a sharp, piercing shriek came from the President, and then... the scene in the bathroom devolved into chaos.

Little Secretary: "(๑°⌓°๑)"

Before the Little Secretary could get a clear look, the President noticed her and kicked hard in the direction of the door.

Bang!

The bathroom door slammed shut, and she couldn't see anything anymore.

The Little Secretary froze for a moment, then pouted and muttered softly to herself, "Hey, how could she do that? So stingy..."

Inside the bathroom.

It was inexplicably quiet. Drip, drop. The only sound that could be heard was the falling water droplets. A delicate balance was maintained inside the bathroom, a balance that could not be broken, because once it was, something terrifying would happen—something very, very terrifying!

For example... Dongfang Zhixia would fall into the water.

Ye Cheng: "..."

Ye Cheng was currently holding Dongfang Zhixia up with both hands, and, uh... it was in a very "anime protagonist" kind of way. Yes... exactly what you're thinking.

How should one put this? Art imitates life?

Now Ye Cheng finally believed why those anime protagonists had it so good. Whenever their relationship couldn't progress any further, something called the "Author's Divine Power" would descend, forcing a very "logical" accident to happen.

Things like finding love around the corner, falling in gravity-defying ways, or getting incredibly lucky right out the door...

When Ye Cheng used to watch these tropes, he would get pretty excited, the corners of his mouth curling up wildly. From time to time, he would even post bullet comments saying things like, "Damn it, this is exactly what I want to see! Give me double the action! Let the blood flow like a river!" or something similar.

But when it actually happened to him, he couldn't laugh anymore. It went from "hehe" to "not hehe"...

Ye Cheng had now incarnated as Pangu. He had already completed the initial stage of separating heaven and earth, and was now in the second stage of creating the world by "holding up the sky" with both hands. Yes... holding up the sky with both hands.

Ye Cheng: "..."

Ye Cheng showed a "Fire Punch agonizing smile meme" expression, looking up at Dongfang Zhixia, who was equally "dumbfounded" in front of him.

"Dad, can you spare my life?"

This time, Ye Cheng didn't even call her President; he just straightforwardly called her Dad... He had no choice but to do so. Just calling her President wouldn't be enough to awaken the sliver of reason deep within her that was about to be swallowed by fury.

How does the saying go? Even a vicious tiger won't eat its cubs. There's nothing wrong with me calling her Dad, right?

Let alone being slapped, Ye Cheng was already prepared to be beaten half to death this time. Even if the Eldest Miss came over, she wouldn't be able to save him. On the contrary, if the Eldest Miss found out about this, she might add fuel to the fire, and then they would double-team him or something.

After waiting for a while, Ye Cheng only felt the weight on his hands lighten. The imagined severe beating and the "free hundred consecutive slaps upon logging in" did not happen.

Dongfang Zhixia silently stepped down from Ye Cheng's hold and returned to the ground. She steadied her footing, her face calm. It was a terrifyingly calm expression, like the quiet before a storm.

Gulp.

Ye Cheng swallowed hard and reached up to wipe the cold sweat from his forehead... Right now, he couldn't even tell if the liquid on his head was sweat or bathwater.

But the immense pressure he felt right now was very real.

Rather than facing such a silent President, Ye Cheng would much prefer dealing with an enraged "Hannya" President. At least then he would know what she was going to do next, instead of this complete unknown.

After all, humanity's greatest source of fear is the unknown and the dark.

And now, what Ye Cheng had to face was this "humanity's greatest source of fear"... the Dark President (Status: Unknown).

He was sweating buckets!

Just as Ye Cheng was under so much pressure that he was about to start hallucinating sounds, Dongfang Zhixia finally spoke.

"What happened today, heaven knows, earth knows, you know, and I know. If a third person finds out..." Dongfang Zhixia's tone was extremely calm, as if she were stating something trivial, as if she wasn't the one who had just been... you know.

Ye Cheng nodded frantically, his desire to survive written all over his face.

Ye Cheng didn't know why he was so unlucky. He had encountered this kind of "life-threatening" situation several times already. The last time was with a certain unreliable, slacker doctor, and he didn't expect it to happen again so soon. This time, it was with the President.

Dongfang Zhixia picked up the knife she had just dropped and wiped it. The small water droplets on the blade disappeared, and it became incredibly shiny and transparent again, reflecting Ye Cheng's face.

She gently pressed the flat of the blade against Ye Cheng's cheek.

"Darling, you wouldn't want us to become sisters, would you?" Dongfang Zhixia's tone was "incredibly gentle," the kind that nearly gave Ye Cheng a heart attack.

NO!!!

Become sisters... Did she mean becoming sisters in the physical sense he was thinking of?

If he remembered correctly, there was no such thing as a magical girl who could just tap you with a magic wand and turn you into a pretty little girl. It seemed like it required a cut, and then...

Ye Cheng: "..."

"Did you hear me clearly?" Dongfang Zhixia wore an inexplicable "smile" on her face.

Ye Cheng kept nodding profusely. "Loud and clear, Dad!"

Dongfang Zhixia: "..."

Ye Cheng's biggest flaw was that he was a bit "too adaptable to circumstances." He was the epitome of surrendering at the speed of light, never being stubborn, which left Dongfang Zhixia absolutely helpless when dealing with him.

He was an absolute master at dodging trouble!!!

Dongfang Zhixia exhaled, "I'm not joking with you. If my parents find out about this, things won't end well for you."

Ye Cheng nodded, "Don't worry, Dad. I definitely won't let Grandpa and Grandma know about this. I promise that only you and I in this world will know. There absolutely won't be a third person!"

Dongfang Zhixia: "..."

Ye Cheng calling her "Dad" with every breath left Dongfang Zhixia speechless. Sure enough... moral integrity simply didn't exist in this bastard.

"Since you're the one who caused this trouble, you have to be responsible for taking care of it," Dongfang Zhixia broke the silence after a while.

Take care of it?

A giant question mark popped up above Ye Cheng's head. How was he supposed to take care of this kind of thing?

"How about... President, you do it back to me?" Ye Cheng asked tentatively.

Dongfang Zhixia froze for a moment, then clenched her fist and viciously knocked Ye Cheng on the head!

"I'm talking about the idiot outside!" Dongfang Zhixia's chest heaved. She was so close to being angered to death by Ye Cheng's words. What on earth was he thinking, do it back?

How could she do it back, grab his...

Dongfang Zhixia: "..."

"Think of a way to make that idiot outside lose weight. Otherwise, at the rate she's eating, she'll be ready for the slaughter scale by New Year's." Dongfang Zhixia furrowed her brows.

Ye Cheng fell silent for a moment. He seemed to look at his current state—the "initial form of a happy monkey in a primeval forest"—and then at the President standing before him, arms crossed and brows furrowed as if pondering some issue.

"Say... President, how about we wait until my clothes arrive and change locations to talk?"

Ye Cheng was already being very tactful.

Who would believe this scene if word got out? One soaking in the bathtub, the other standing outside it, chatting away for several minutes. Was this... proper?

Dongfang Zhixia raised an elegant eyebrow. "What, do you have a problem with it? Can't we talk here?"

Ye Cheng: "..."

Firstly, blah blah blah, secondly, blah blah blah... In short, skipping straight to the final result, Ye Cheng complied.

Damn capitalist young lady, you better remember this. I will repay today's humiliation a hundredfold!

Ye Cheng weakly began to write another lengthy mental essay, only daring to secretly badmouth the domineering President in his heart... Anyway, another stroke was added to the President's tally.

After indulging in his "spiritual victory method" for a good while and feeling much better, Ye Cheng finally began to consider the problem the President had raised before she nearly beat him to death.

"Taking care of the hamster wouldn't be too hard. We could just lure her into the wilderness with a small cake and then... ahem, I mean, making the hamster lose weight is very simple!"

Noticing the President's gaze growing colder and colder, Ye Cheng hurriedly coughed twice and brought the topic back to the issue of "hamster weight loss."

"As for losing weight, it's very simple. She just needs a little bit of exercise. Like a thousand sets of fifty-kilogram dumbbells, a twenty-kilometer morning run for a warm-up, a two-kilometer frog leap..."

Dongfang Zhixia: "???"

When the first exercise was mentioned, Dongfang Zhixia was stunned, wondering if Ye Cheng had messed up his units of measurement. Fifty kilograms... that was a hundred jin. A thousand sets?

A twenty-kilometer morning run as a warm-up?

A two-kilometer frog leap?

"Thump!"

Ultimately, Ye Cheng's "Hamster Weight Loss Plan Number One" was aborted just like that. Ye Cheng rubbed the large bump on his head while pondering how to make the useless hamster lose weight...

Soon, a giant lightbulb appeared above Ye Cheng's head and lit up!

He had it!

"President, give me your phone!" Ye Cheng's face was filled with an "evil" smile.

Dongfang Zhixia: "???"

A few minutes later.

Dongfang Zhixia had come out of the bathroom and was sitting to the side, watching the Little Secretary, whose eyes were full of fighting spirit, running on the treadmill.

"Ding!"

A crisp electronic notification sound rang out.

"Congratulations, you have completed another 100 meters! Gold Coin +1!"

"Collect 4 more Gold Coins to redeem a Diamond reward. Please keep up the good work!"

Hearing the electronic broadcast, the Little Secretary was once again "fully revived." She sweat profusely on the treadmill, her eyes filled with a burning desire for her next Gold Coin +1.

Sitting on the side, Dongfang Zhixia fell silent, recalling what Ye Cheng had said earlier...

"President, I wonder if you've ever heard the story of sixty thousand people slashing the price for a single phone on Bingxixi?"

Ye Cheng had replaced the phone with the Little Secretary's pocket money. It was like dangling a carrot in front of her. Every hundred meters she ran added one gold coin. Then, ten gold coins could be exchanged for a diamond, ten diamonds for an ingot, ten ingots... and finally, collecting ten Infinity Gauntlets would redeem a hundred bucks of pocket money!

And the Little Secretary was playing the role of... those sixty thousand people.

Even if she ran herself to death, the Little Secretary would just think she wasn't working hard enough to earn that raise in her pocket money...

Dongfang Zhixia: "..."

"Buzz, buzz, buzz..."

Dongfang Zhixia's phone vibrated.

"Young Lady, the item you requested has arrived!"

"Mm, I know. Bring it in, the door is unlocked..."

Hanging up the phone, Dongfang Zhixia looked at the Little Secretary working so hard on the treadmill and, for the first time, began to doubt her own IQ... Perhaps that guy really was a genius.

"Congratulations, you have completed another 100 meters! Gold Coin +1!"

"Yay..." Upon hearing the broadcast, the Little Secretary ran even harder, giggling foolishly.

Dongfang Zhixia: "..."