Mr. President, the Sky Is Falling The Pig Didn't Go After the Cabbage, but the Cabbage Is Running Off with the Pig

The arcade.

Even though it was the middle of summer, the evening remained sweltering. Fortunately, the arcade had air conditioning running twenty-four hours a day. It was a great place to just come in and enjoy the cool air, even if you didn't spend a dime.

In the past, this was Ye Cheng's favorite thing to do. He used to bring a bamboo sleeping mat from home, lay it down right at the entrance of a supermarket, and spend the whole day there. He was never lonely either, as he was surrounded by teammates—mostly elderly men and women who looked exactly like prime candidates for pulling an insurance scam.

This strategy certainly saved money, but it was a bit embarrassing... Still, as the saying goes: kid, do you even have any dignity to lose?

People who didn't know better might think he had billions to his name. You don't have a single cent, yet you're afraid of losing face? Compared to the weird looks from the people around him, Ye Cheng was far more terrified of the life-threatening electricity meter back home, secretly cosplaying as an amusement park pendulum ride when he wasn't looking.

Spinning so fast that even your own mother wouldn't recognize you.

The place Ye Cheng rented was a shady apartment. It wasn't that the rent was extortionate; on the contrary, the rent was very cheap, hundreds of bucks lower than the market price of the surrounding apartments, which was incredibly attractive to him.

Of course, if that were all, it wouldn't be called shady. It would be a conscientious deal. In a way, it was indeed chilling—when Ye Cheng saw the electricity bill after renting it for the first month, his heart went completely cold.

The rent was less than a thousand, but the damn utility bill was nearly two thousand! And that was the bill after Ye Cheng had been extremely frugal.

No wonder the rent was so cheap. Places nearby started at two or three thousand, while this one was only a few hundred. Damn it, the landlord had secretly baked the profit into the electricity bill!

After the first month passed, Ye Cheng immediately renewed his lease with the landlord for over two years. The landlord grinned from ear to ear, but his smile soon vanished because he discovered that Ye Cheng's monthly utility bills, whether for water or electricity, never exceeded ten bucks.

It was then that the landlord suddenly realized he had been duped. He had tried to bait a fish, but ended up getting hooked by Ye Cheng instead!

And so, a bizarre scene would unfold. Sometimes, when the landlord couldn't sleep at night and went out for a stroll, he would see Ye Cheng coming home from work covered in dirt, carrying two massive batteries on his shoulders.

Yes, that's right—two massive batteries weighing at least a hundred pounds!

Ye Cheng carried them without breaking a sweat, as if he were carrying two cartons of milk. Naturally, these two huge batteries were legally and reasonably stolen by Ye Cheng from the shady logistics company he worked for.

Every day, the first thing Ye Cheng did at work was to place the two hundred-pound batteries he brought from home in an inconspicuous corner to charge... This was also why Ye Cheng was always dreaming about joining the civil service to become a parasite living off the government.

He could charge his batteries for free every day at the office!

Life was like a giant hammer, repeatedly pounding Ye Cheng. In the end... it didn't crush him; instead, it made his flesh delightfully bouncy and chewy. Your turn is over, now it's your daddy's turn! Take your daddy's One Hundred Thousand Volts!!!

Ye Cheng's outrageous stunts made the shady landlord gnash his teeth in hatred every time he saw him, even to this day. But the landlord couldn't do a thing about him. After all, another one of Ye Cheng's special skills was reciting various criminal and civil laws backwards... his legal resistance was maxed out.

As for physical resistance... are you sure you want to trade blows with someone who is over six feet tall and built like a grizzly bear?

You'd be beaten into a teddy bear biscuit and learn your lesson real quick.

Fortunately, Ye Cheng's lease was about to expire. The landlord had fallen for Ye Cheng's trick last time and lost out on tens of thousands a year. He absolutely wouldn't fall for it again. He wouldn't rent the apartment to Ye Cheng again no matter what, that despicable pauper!!!

Perhaps in all his years, the landlord had seen people more miserable and poorer than Ye Cheng, but he had definitely never seen anyone as outrageous as him. It was a classic case of trying to steal a chicken only to lose the rice used as bait. The shady landlord would remember this grudge for the rest of his life.

Yet, in such a comfortable, cool arcade with central air conditioning running, Ye Cheng actually had sweat beading on his forehead, and his back was entirely soaked at some point... He was sweating bullets!

Gulp.

Ye Cheng swallowed hard. He looked at the Little Secretary standing beside him, staring blankly with a silly, not-so-bright expression. His gaze moved down to the Little Secretary's round, slightly bulging belly, which looked as if she were pregnant.

"Well, you know, she's probably, maybe, possibly... going through a growth spurt recently. After all, President, you know that physical differences between people cannot be generalized. For example, some people can just slide tackle a tiger..."

Ye Cheng spouted this serious-sounding nonsense while wiping the cold sweat from his forehead.

He knew that the President didn't allow the Little Secretary to eat too much. After all, the very first time, when the President got bitten by a snake, the useless Little Secretary had fallen behind after running just a few steps, leaving the President alone to chase after him.

Ever since then, it seemed the Little Secretary had to diet every single day... Ye Cheng didn't dare confess how much food he had just taken the Little Secretary to eat. Doing a simple calorie conversion, not only would all of Dongfang Zhixia's recent efforts be completely in vain, but the Little Secretary's weight was definitely going to go up a bit more.

Dongfang Zhixia raised a delicate eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Physical differences between people cannot be generalized? A growth spurt? So... are you going through a growth spurt too?"

Dongfang Zhixia looked at Ye Cheng, who sported an equally massive belly, her tone eerie.

Ye Cheng wiped away the increasing amount of cold sweat on his forehead, nodded, and said deadpan, "Yeah, after all, I've just turned eighteen not too long ago. My body still needs a lot of food to grow. It's totally normal."

As he spoke, Ye Cheng patted his belly like a seal.

Slap, slap!

Dongfang Zhixia: "..."

What on earth goes through this bastard's head all day?

Faced with irrefutable evidence, Ye Cheng was still stubbornly denying it. Dongfang Zhixia fell into silence. For anyone else, the hardest thing in their body might be their bones, but for Ye Cheng, the hardest thing was definitely his mouth.

Dongfang Zhixia nodded. "Hmm, makes sense."

"Right, President? You think what I said makes sense too, right!" Ye Cheng's eyes lit up. He never expected Dongfang Zhixia to actually agree with his logic. Fantastic! He wouldn't be beaten into a beef meatball now. Woohoo!!!

Ye Cheng's joy lasted for less than two seconds before the President's next sentence immediately made him retract his beaming, toothy grin.

"So... darling, shouldn't you give me a proper explanation as to why you're here, why you're with this idiot, and why..." Dongfang Zhixia wrapped one arm around the Little Secretary and rested her other hand on Ye Cheng's shoulder to prevent him from escaping.

With one question after another, the cold sweat on Ye Cheng's forehead condensed into bead-sized drops and rolled down his head.

"Well... it's a long story, so I'll keep it short. As for why we're here, that's a good question. This matter isn't as simple as it seems on the surface. We have to consider the..." Ye Cheng's bureaucratic filibuster left Dongfang Zhixia utterly speechless.

When it came to dodging questions, he was an absolute master of Tai Chi!!!

Obviously, for a guy like Ye Cheng, whose mouth was the most stubborn part of his entire body, asking him like this definitely wouldn't yield any answers. Last time, Ye Cheng managed to muddle through by dodging the questions like a Tai Chi master. As for now... heh!

Dongfang Zhixia wouldn't fall for the same trick twice.

"Smack!"

"You bastard! That's for being stubborn! That's for making a long story short! That's for acting like an old geezer..."

"Stop hitting me! I was wrong, Madam President, I was wrong! If you hit me anymore, I'm going to have a miscarriage, boohoo..."

The Madam President, whose rage meter was fully stacked and on the verge of exploding, finally started swinging, slapping Ye Cheng right on his... big stomach!

Ye Cheng let out a loud shriek before being tackled to the ground by a furious Dongfang Zhixia, who straddled him and started beating him with all her might. The onlookers gasped in shock, all expressing how thrilling this drama was!

Who said this gossip was boring? This drama was absolutely spicy!

"I didn't expect this! I didn't check the almanac before leaving the house today, but what a pleasant surprise!"

"You've got to be kidding me, bro. Your girlfriend is already this pretty, and you still go out and mess around?"

"I have nothing to offer but to wish you a good death!"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Sure enough, all men in the world are the same. They always think with their lower halves. Sisters, you really need to keep your eyes open..."

"Damn it, are you starting a gender war here!"

"Fuck, who's starting a gender war? I have a psychiatric certificate, let me deal with her!"

The chatting onlookers suddenly went a bit off-track. Originally, everyone was just happily watching the drama unfold, but out of nowhere, someone dropped a sweeping generalization.

So this is what it means to throw a few toxic punches wherever you go, huh?

If that's the case, don't blame us for ganging up on you!

It's one thing to bark online, but doing it in real life? You're asking to be beaten into a pulp. The internet is full of crazy people flaming each other and causing division, but in reality, normal people make up the majority.

Before long, the sister who tried to sneak in a few extreme punches slinked away under the unfriendly glares of the crowd. Though, as she left, she was still muttering something about oppression, freedom of speech, and whatever else...

The Cthulhu-like creature was gone, and now it was back to normal gossip. Yay, it's happy drama time again!

It was just that... the direction of the plot seemed a bit different from what they had imagined. Logically speaking, shouldn't this be a scene of the legal wife catching the mistress? Even if someone needed to be taught a lesson, shouldn't it be the mistress? Why was the boyfriend getting beaten up?

Oh, wait, he should be beaten too, but shouldn't the mistress be dealt with first?

The unaware onlookers shifted their gazes to the Little Secretary, then looked at her slightly bulging belly, and let out a collective sigh... This makes things a bit difficult. She's already pregnant. No wonder she didn't lay a hand on the Little Secretary; assaulting a pregnant woman is no small crime.

As for beating up Ye Cheng... well, you saw it wrong, that was just a seal.

"Stop hitting me, Madam President, I was wrong, boohoo..." Ye Cheng screamed miserably.

"You bastard, how dare you hook up with other women behind my back!" Dongfang Zhixia's chest heaved up and down. Her breathtakingly beautiful face looked inexplicably flushed. If nothing else, she was definitely overheating with rage.

Ye Cheng froze for a moment. Wait, something seemed wrong here?

"Huh? Um, Madam President, did you misunderstand something? I didn't hook up with anyone, I just..." This accusation was too severe. Ye Cheng wouldn't accept it, otherwise, if the Eldest Miss found out later, he would be doomed.

"Shut up, you cheating bastard!" Dongfang Zhixia snorted coldly, and with a smack, she delivered another blow to Ye Cheng's stomach.

Ye Cheng: "..."

Ye Cheng: "I'm not a cheating bastard!"

Dongfang Zhixia: "Smack!"

Ye Cheng: "I didn't cheat!"

Dongfang Zhixia: "Smack!"

Ye Cheng: "I'm not a bastard!"

Dongfang Zhixia: "Smack! Smack!"

Ye Cheng: "???"

Why was there an extra hit?

Log in to get ten consecutive draws, accompanied by a happy farmer's tune, you got it, woo, smack... Wow, the drop rate is seriously super high!

A few minutes later.

"Let's disperse, everyone. There's nothing to see here, just a little misunderstanding and argument between a couple. Let's all disperse..."

The surrounding onlookers: "..."

Ye Cheng, sporting his big stomach, was standing there giving an old geezer's speech to evacuate the crowd. Not far from him, the Madam President had her arms crossed over her chest, interrogating the other escaped hamster.

"What happened? Did this guy threaten you?" Dongfang Zhixia crossed her arms, her tone much gentler than before.

She was actually digging a trap for the Little Secretary. As long as the Little Secretary showed even the slightest hint of being led by the nose, the Madam President would instantly transform into a modern-day Judge Bao and sentence Ye Cheng to death.

The Little Secretary was always half a beat slow to react, a bit dim-witted, and easily led astray by others. Besides... having raised her herself, how could she not know what she was like?

The Little Secretary didn't have the guts to run out on her own; someone must have been giving her ideas behind the scenes. As for who that mastermind was... it was obviously a certain bastard.

The reason Dongfang Zhixia was so furious right now and ready to set a trap for the Little Secretary, making her push all the blame onto Ye Cheng, was so she could properly teach Ye Cheng a lesson later.

The only thing that made Dongfang Zhixia feel a little better was that after interrogating that certain bastard for so long, he kept up a wronged appearance, refusing to confess no matter what. It seemed he probably wasn't lying.

This at least proved that a certain guy wasn't what she had called him... a cheating bastard.

It was probably just a misunderstanding, followed by promising their family's little idiot some benefits. If nothing unexpected happened, those benefits were likely the small snacks sold by the street vendors she had visited earlier...

Dongfang Zhixia was a rational person. Even though Ye Cheng was stubborn and hadn't confessed anything, and the Little Secretary hadn't spoken up either, she had already deduced most of the entire process.

Her worries were superfluous. Honestly, it had scared her a bit. She thought the little cabbage she had raised for over ten years had been snatched up by a pig without her knowing... Fortunately, the two idiots only had food on their minds, rather than any romantic nonsense between a man and a woman.

As long as there was nothing, it was fine.

Although she had figured things out, Dongfang Zhixia was still very displeased. She planned to trick the Little Secretary into pinning all the blame on Ye Cheng, so she could ruthlessly teach that bastard a lesson.

While Dongfang Zhixia was thinking this, the Little Secretary, who had her head lowered and her hands twisted together behind her back, finally spoke up.

"Miss, please don't be angry, okay? The bad guy didn't threaten me, he's very good to me... Miss, please don't scold him, just scold me instead. Miss, you can deduct my pocket money, please, Miss..." The Little Secretary muttered. She had struggled internally for a long time before gathering the courage to say such rebellious words, even willing to have her food ration money deducted.

As soon as these words came out, Dongfang Zhixia felt as if she had been struck by lightning. Her face paled a few shades, and her eyes carried a hint of disbelief...

The pig didn't even make a move on the prized cabbage, yet the cabbage is about to run away with the pig!!!