Will we win It's a guaranteed loss, bro Old thing, you better remember this

In the hotel bathroom.

Splash, splash... The sound of running water stopped. Ye Cheng picked up the white towel provided by the hotel and wiped his face.

"Hah..."

He let out a breath and looked at himself in the mirror. Feeling much better, he took off his shirt, which carried the strong smell of grilled meat and beer.

He struck a bodybuilding pose in front of the mirror, the kind seen in Mr. Olympia competitions. The visual impact was quite intense, with the only slightly discordant element being Ye Cheng's pronounced beer belly.

What was once a chiseled muscular outline had transformed into a prominent pot belly, round and bulging... hmm, looking at least six months pregnant, if not more!

Ye Cheng gave his own belly a couple of slaps. "Oi!" For some reason, after patting his stomach, he felt an urge to shout "Zize" (a nonsense exclamation).

He vigorously slapped his own belly. Oi! Oi! Oi!...

Buzz! Buzz!

Just as Ye Cheng was engrossed in the artistic display of his own reflection in the mirror, his phone, placed nearby, vibrated.

Ye Cheng raised an eyebrow. At this hour... it couldn't be the young lady messaging to ask if he's asleep, could it?

That would be no different from a horror story!

Gulp. Ye Cheng swallowed hard. Cold sweat broke out on his forehead, and his heart began to pound erratically, as if about to leap out of his chest... Damn it, I haven't done anything wrong, so why am I so nervous!

Wiping the cold sweat from his brow, Ye Cheng squinted, regarding the notification on his phone as if facing a formidable enemy. In a daze, he seemed to see the young lady's giant radish flying towards him...

"You have a new friend request!"

"View details?"

Phew...

That gave me a fright. So it's just a friend request. I thought it was the young lady checking up on me. Honestly, who is this? So inconsiderate. Sending friend requests late at night, don't they know people feel guilty when they're doing something shady!

What if they scare someone? Really, no sense of public morality, frightening a baby who's only a few hundred months old at this hour...

Without a second thought, Ye Cheng was about to click reject. No particular reason, just pure annoyance. It was like that time when a certain grumpy, lazy doctor took a bite out of him, and Ye Cheng had decisively rejected Xia Tongxin's friend request.

The strong must mercilessly humiliate the weak!!!

Ye Cheng was practically turning into a gummy bear these days. Surrounded by a circle of people, not a single one he could afford to provoke—the young lady, the president, and the frequently incoherent lazy doctor. It was the kind of situation where anyone could come and step on him twice.

Ah... this is so awesome... no, this is so pathetic!

"Huh?"

"Special clearance sale at 9.9! Large bottles of iced tea, 12 per case. One case at standard price, two cases 20% off, three cases 40% off, four cases... For inquiries, please accept the friend request."

Ye Cheng: "???"

Ye Cheng sneered. "Such a low-level phishing attempt, heh heh..."

Silently, Ye Cheng clicked to accept the friend request.

"You are now friends. Start chatting!"

"Give me ten cases of the large iced tea!"

The moment Ye Cheng sent the message, it showed as "read" on the other end, but... no reply.

Because... on the other side of the phone, Xia Tongxin was still rolling on the floor, lamenting the unfairness of fate. The head maid was busy emitting a sharp, screeching sound and had no time to deal with Ye Cheng, let alone reply to his message.

"1111111111..."

Fearing he might miss the promotion, Ye Cheng frantically spammed the number "1". But no matter how many he sent, the other side remained "read but no reply."

"Is the promotion that popular?" Ye Cheng raised an eyebrow. Instead of suspecting the head maid of entrapment, he became even more convinced of the promotion's authenticity.

Ye Cheng always thought in reverse, to the point that his usual words and actions were "slightly peculiar," sometimes not even seeming human. But this time, the head maid's lack of reply after reading the message caused Ye Cheng's reverse thinking to reverse again—a double negative making a positive, and then... it snapped back to normal!

If the head maid had responded enthusiastically the moment she saw Ye Cheng's message, he would have been wary. Her intentions would have been clearly impure—coveting the 343.74 in his WeChat wallet!

But now, he was acting like such an idiot, and the other party wasn't in a hurry to "reel him in"... Hmm... Damn it, it seems I have no choice but to believe it!

Normal situations become abnormal when they encounter Ye Cheng; abnormal situations become "reasonable" when they encounter Ye Cheng...

Of course, if it's too hard to understand, it can be summarized in one sentence... Ye Cheng has stopped acting human!!!

"Damn it, don't underestimate the bond between me and iced tea, you bastard!!!"

Ye Cheng let out a weird shout, exited the WeChat chat interface, opened the background control center, programmed an auto-clicker with a fixed interval, and then started frantically sending a looped message to the head maid.

"Boss, please reserve ten cases for me. I'm a student, can you give me an extra discount? I can show my student ID. My mom has a terminal illness, and her last wish before passing is to have a sip of large iced tea..."

A classic opening essay, immediately playing the "disadvantaged group" card to soften the other party's heart. The next line was a combination uppercut, catching them off guard with elements like terminal illness, the classic "my parents are dead" trope, and poverty...

Ye Cheng stacked nearly twenty buffs. Even the hardest-hearted, most stingy person reading this message would have to leave two dollars behind before walking away!

He set the interval to copy and send every thirty seconds. But considering the "promotion's popularity," sending messages too slowly might make him miss this precious chance to guzzle iced tea, so Ye Cheng decided to adjust the thirty-second interval.

He finally settled on ten times every three seconds... Hmm... Ye Cheng did a simple "rounding." As everyone knows, energy is conserved. The numbers composing "once every thirty seconds" and "ten times every three seconds" are the same, so there's no difference. Taking a step back, didn't elementary school teachers teach that zero doesn't change the result? It's nothing, so... it's fine.

Having set up the "harassment" spam program, Ye Cheng contentedly placed his phone in the bathroom, planning to check the results in a few minutes.

Now, it was time to deal with the matter of a certain grumpy, lazy doctor outside.

Having experienced vomiting before, Ye Cheng decided to take preventative measures... Simply put, induce vomiting. Even simpler, stick a finger down his throat.

Open wide, ah~ then the little uvula, wagging like a drumstick. A couple of tickles to trigger the gag reflex, and then he could start vomiting!

Having happily planned it out, Ye Cheng put down his phone and left the bathroom.

"Dr. Tang, come here, I want to show you something good... AHHHHHH!!!"

A sharp, screeching sound from Ye Cheng echoed through the spacious room. If possible, Ye Cheng would have turned into a meme right then, his eyeballs having mastered the Multi-Shadow Clone Technique, bulging out of their sockets.

Ye Cheng, who had originally intended to just tickle Tang Yuyao's uvula a few times to induce vomiting, now found his own little uvula dancing and swaying frantically there, like an unstoppable rattle-drum.

Tang Yuyao woke up groggily. She had felt unwell halfway through "dropping loot" for him, her head spinning, and had passed out. Now, Ye Cheng's scream jolted her awake.

"Mmmph... hubby, you're done... hug... blergh..." Tang Yuyao's face flushed red. She reached out unsteadily, asking for a hug from Ye Cheng, and then... couldn't hold back and threw up.

Ye Cheng: "???"

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

Once again, Ye Cheng let out a sharp, piercing shriek!

"Blergh..."

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

"Blergh..."

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

The two of them were like a perpetual motion machine. Tang Yuyao would vomit once, and Ye Cheng would scream once. The comedic effect was off the charts, except... Ye Cheng couldn't find it funny at all right now. He had thought Lu Bu was peerless in the world, but there was someone even more formidable!

Whose subordinate is this?!

The stalemate lasted about half a minute. Tang Yuyao finished vomiting and lay dazed on the now-"enchanted" sofa. Ye Cheng stood silently by the bathroom door, then... revealed a "Fire Punch-style 'eating shit' smile."

Are you telling me... I have to clean up this massive pile of human vomit now? And all while some slacker doctor's "loot drop" session for me has left me messier than a summer limited edition, practically... right?

Such is life.

You never know... whether tomorrow or an accident will come first. Ye Cheng swore that from now on, no matter who invited him to stay in a hotel, he wouldn't do it. He'd rather die than do it again.

Last time, checking into a hotel with the young lady, he thought it would be a wonderful night, the kind where the same fantasies an anime protagonist might have would happen to him, a fellow otaku. But... he got kicked to the floor by the young lady, was hit with an illusion technique, got whipped by her, and ended up having to go out late at night to buy extra-large "band-aids"...

And now...

Ye Cheng glanced at Tang Yuyao on the sofa... and the "Fire Punch-style 'eating shit' smile" appeared on his face once more.

Will I win?

Guaranteed loss, bro!!!

"Fuck!!!"

Ye Cheng resigned himself to his fate. He took off his own clothes to avoid getting them dirty... and walked towards Tang Yuyao on the sofa, who had now transformed into one of the Chaos Gods of the Warp, "Nurgle."

"Hubby, blergh... hug... hehe..."

"You old thing, you better fucking remember this, damn it!!!"

"Mwah... hubby, blergh..."

Ye Cheng: "..."

...