Don't you know that heaven never seals off all the exits The Wonderful Life System

Mid-June.

Great Sea City, a top-tier hospital.

“Nothing serious. Eat and drink as usual, and you’ll recover on your own in time.”

“Thank you, thank you, doctor!”

In the specialist’s office, a young man sighed in relief after learning his checkup showed no major issues, his anxious heart finally settling. His excited voice echoed down the hallway.

“Next.”

At the doctor’s call, another young man waiting in the corridor—wearing a cap from some logistics company, his clothes grimy—walked in.

“Doc, am I… gonna make it?”

Ye Cheng, male, 18, a local orphan of Great Sea City. Handsome but eccentric, he’d been working as a “forklift driver” at a shady logistics company when he suddenly coughed up a mouthful of blood. He insisted it was just gum bleeding and tried to tough it out.

The boss stared silently at the nearly 100ml puddle of blood on the floor, then quietly granted Ye Cheng six months of paid leave while secretly praying he’d kick the bucket within that time. As long as he didn’t die on company property, all was good!

After barely two days of enjoying his sweet paid vacation, Ye Cheng started violently coughing up blood again. Only then did he snap out of it and rush to the hospital.

The specialist flipped through Ye Cheng’s medical records, his brows furrowed tightly—then suddenly relaxed, as if coming to terms with something.

“Don’t worry, kid. Eat and drink as usual, and don’t stress yourself out!”

“So… just like that last guy, I’ll be fine after a good sleep?” Ye Cheng asked eagerly.

The doctor pondered. Technically, if Ye Cheng ate and drank as usual, never waking up again could also count as “fine.” He gave a tentative nod. “Theoretically, yes.”

“Woohoo! Awesome! Oh, and doc… what about in reality?” Ye Cheng cheered, waving his arms.

“Oh, that? Well, in reality, kid, you’re about to die,” the doctor stated flatly.

Ye Cheng: “……”

“Young man, would you be willing to contribute to the advancement of human medicine in your final days?”

The doctor’s tone shifted, eyes gleaming at Ye Cheng.

“What do you mean? Also, doc, is this a typo? Why does my ‘suspected condition’ field have my name written in it? Shouldn’t it say something like ‘cancer’ or whatever? That’s how it goes in novels.”

Ye Cheng pointed at his medical record with his cheap, two-yuan-a-pair work gloves. Everything else made sense—except why his name was listed as the illness.

“Ah, that. Well, kid, your condition is extremely rare. You’re likely the first documented case globally. We plan to name it after you. Oh, and could you squeeze my name in there too? I’m Da Congming, by the way.”

Ye Cheng: “……”

And just like that, Ye Cheng was handed a death sentence—one-of-a-kind, no less.

Ye Cheng made his way to the hospital rooftop, quietly soaking in the wind as he leaned over the railing, peering down at the 20+ story drop below.

“Hey… is this my one and only chance to try a no-parachute freefall?” Ye Cheng blinked, muttering to himself before climbing over the railing.

Ready to perform his grand final act!

“Next life, I’m gonna be a rich kid!”

Ye Cheng fished out his last piece of Big Bubble gum from his pocket, peeled off the crumpled wrapper, and popped it into his mouth. Chewing.

Mmm. Sweet. Tasty.

One foot already dangling off the edge, Ye Cheng prepared to leap—to execute his no-parachute freefall, the most dazzling “performance” of his life!

[But lo! Heaven never seals off all exits!]

[Detected host afflicted with the terminal illness “Ye Cheng.” Activating the Thrilling Life System!]

[Detected host possesses “Exceptional Mental Fortitude.” Triggering reward multiplier!]

[Mission: Launch a Don Quixote-style charge! Make the school’s most dazzling girl experience the darkness of humanity at her peak moment!]

[Reward: Convert the terminal illness “Ye Cheng” into standard mid-stage cancer!]

“Hey, buddy, mind jumping somewhere else? I just bought this place—got 30 years of mortgage left. You jump, and I’m stuck with a decade of wasted payments!”

“JUMP, DADDY! PLEASE! I was about to pay the down payment today! You jump, and I can go all-cash! JUMP, DADDY!!!”

Below, a crowd of onlookers had gathered out of nowhere. The loudest were two men—one who’d just signed a home purchase contract and one who hadn’t.

Their attitudes were polar opposites, but both were on their knees: one begging Ye Cheng not to jump, the other begging him to hurry up.

Ye Cheng: “……”

“Goddamn vultures. Worse than capitalists!”

One foot already in the air, half his body suspended, Ye Cheng suddenly gripped the railing with one hand. With terrifying explosive strength, he hauled himself back over, leaving the crowd below in disappointed groans.

“Tch, why’d he stop? I was gonna go dance with Old Man Wang next door after this…”

“Seriously, kids these days have no integrity. Says he’ll jump, then backs out.”

“NOOO! DADDY! DON’T LEAVE! MY ALL-CASH DREAM! COME BACK, DADDY!!!”

…

September.

Great Sea City Noble Academy.

At the freshman orientation, a stunning girl in an evening gown stood on stage delivering a speech.

The auditorium was pin-drop silent—until a faint melody broke through. Phoenix Legend!

The classic intro. The volume wobbled, as if someone was still adjusting it, before finally stabilizing.

“Vast horizons, my love~~~”

Fully prepared, Ye Cheng launched his assault with the $0.99 discount speaker he’d scammed off a shopping app (and refunded). He sprang from his seat, plopping the speaker in the aisle and cranking the volume to drown out the girl’s speech.

“Holy crap, what’s this guy doing? Has a death wish?”

“Damn, Phoenix Legend? Based taste, I approve.”

“Shh! The president’s looking this way—shut up, quick!”

The nearby students hushed under the girl’s sharp gaze, not daring to make another sound. Only Ye Cheng remained unfazed, casually stretching and warming up.

Prepping for his little “surprise.”

Ye Cheng took a deep breath. “Madam President! Please let me be your dog!”

Then, he launched into his act: backflips. Over forty consecutive backflips. Under the stunned, disbelieving eyes of the crowd, Ye Cheng flipped his way straight onto the stage.

Ye Cheng stepped up to the woman in the evening gown. Without hesitation, he stripped off his school uniform, then yanked off his dirt-cheap, 9.99-yuan-shipping-included "Lao Da" iced tea T-shirt—revealing his ultimate battle gear beneath.

【Dongfang Zhixia’s Loyal Dog!】

The bold letters screamed across his chest, accompanied by a photo of Dongfang Zhixia herself—snatched from the campus forum in a late-night screenshot spree and hastily printed for five bucks.

Say what you will, but the sheer visual impact was undeniable.

The crowd erupted—again.

"Holy shit!!!"

"This is hype! He even has a second-stage transformation?!"

"Go, Lao Da! We’ve got your—wait, no! How dare this bastard taint our president’s honor?! Let’s kill him!"

Hearing the sudden shift in tone, Dongfang Zhixia finally retracted her death-glare.

She didn’t dignify the iced tea-branded embarrassment before her with a response. Instead, she stared down at Ye Cheng with a look of pure, unadulterated disdain, her lips curling into a mocking smirk.

Dongfang Zhixia studied the fool who’d just publicly humiliated her.

Right then, Ye Cheng heard the cold, mechanical ping of the system in his head.

[Task completed. Rewards distributed. Please check, Host.]

Mission accomplished. With his goal achieved, there was no need to keep playing the clown.

Dongfang Zhixia wasn’t someone to trifle with—if not for the system’s task, Ye Cheng would’ve never dared cross her. A nobody like him couldn’t hope to challenge capital-backed power.

Now, all that remained was damage control.

"Arigatou, President!" Ye Cheng cheered internally at the system’s notification. Time for some improv.

"If possible, please step on my face and humiliate me thoroughly. Bonus points if you throw in a ‘You filthy out-of-towner’ or two—"

Dongfang Zhixia: "…"

Her composure cracked. This iced tea bastard’s shamelessness was inhuman.

"Am I imagining things, or is he… enjoying this?"

"Unbelievable! He’s asking for a reward?!"

"No, it’s definitely real. That look of contempt from the president—perfection. A couple of kicks would really seal the deal."

"Funny? All I see is a doomed iced tea…"

As the murmurs grew increasingly unhinged, Ye Cheng knew it was time to bolt.

He took a deep breath, glanced back at the crowd, then turned to Dongfang Zhixia with the confidence of a man declaring he’d be the Pirate King.

"I will be the president’s loyal dog!"

His grin flashed pearly white, leaving thousands in stunned silence. At this rate, no one would be surprised if Ye Cheng dropped dead tomorrow from sheer audacity.

Ye Cheng retraced his steps, vaulted back over the railing, and—in a final act of flair—grabbed his 9.99-yuan Bluetooth speaker, blasting Phoenix Legend as he reverse-parked his way out, stealing the spotlight entirely.

Dongfang Zhixia, the day’s intended star, had been reduced to a side character.

In a Don Quixote-esque charge, Ye Cheng had ensured Dongfang Zhixia’s grand freshman ceremony became a masterclass in human "darkness."

Anyone else would’ve quit life on the spot. But Dongfang Zhixia held firm.

As the saying went: Some men are alive, but they’re already dead. The crowd’s consensus? Not even a TikTok dare would make me try that.

With Ye Cheng’s grand exit, the hall fell dead silent—save for Dongfang Zhixia’s icy gaze.

"Continue." Her voice cut through the tension, her unshakable aura suffocating the room.

——

Meanwhile.

Ye Cheng, now outside the auditorium, slumped against a fountain, drenched in sweat.

He gasped for air like a man saved from drowning.

"That was way too close!"

Splashing his face with fountain water, he sighed.

"Phew. Rich-people schools even have fancy water!"

Sweet, with a hint of… floral perfume?

Ye Cheng wiped his face—only to spot a girl sitting across the fountain, barefoot.

Drip. A water droplet fell from her toes, rippling across the surface.

…Water droplet?

Ye Cheng: "…"

"PFFT—!!"

"Cough—BLEGH!!"

"Help… someone… save me…"

Clutching his throat, Ye Cheng collapsed, twitching violently.

The girl across from him: "…"