Our Atonement

"Xie Yuyan, you..."

Li Mucheng had imagined countless possibilities—perhaps Xie Yuyan would blame her for Ye Feng's despair, or resent her for recklessly shooting him and causing his fall from the cliff. Yet, she never expected Xie Yuyan to hold no grudge against her at all. Was this really the Xie Yuyan she knew?

"I actually knew... The moment my obsession with Ye Feng grew heavier, the distance between us slowly widened..."

Xie Yuyan returned to the corner where she had been sitting earlier. The occasional smile on her face suggested she was reminiscing about the past she had shared with Ye Feng.

"At first, being with Ye Feng was the most meaningful and happiest time of my life. But when I learned of your existence, in my eyes, you all became villains trying to steal my only happiness. To protect the life I had with him, I was willing to do anything—use any means—just to stay by his side."

"But did you ever consider how he felt?"

"Of course I did..."

Xie Yuyan let out a self-mocking laugh. Though her expression had been desolate earlier, it softened slightly at the mention of Ye Feng.

"Back then, I naively believed that if I removed the obstacles in our path without him knowing, his gaze would stay fixed on me alone. But as he grew closer to all of you, my heart grew frantic. Isn’t it laughable? A killer who remains unfazed during missions, yet panicked over something like this. Was it because Ye Feng was too captivating, or had his tenderness melted my heart?"

"That’s just how he is—gentle with everyone... No, wait. Only with us. Only with the few of us did he ever show that side of himself."

"Only with us?"

Li Mucheng’s words made Xie Yuyan frown for the first time. She had never considered the nature of Ye Feng’s relationships with the others. Back then, her only thought was to reclaim him, to eliminate those she saw as nuisances. She hadn’t spared a moment to reflect further.

But now, as she truly calmed down and thought about it, everything seemed both logical and absurdly strange.

"Tell me more."

"Mm..."

Seeing Xie Yuyan following her lead, Li Mucheng exhaled in relief before continuing.

"Have you ever noticed a pattern? Whenever Ye Feng spends time with one person, he eventually moves on to another—almost like a cycle."

"......"

Li Mucheng’s words stirred memories in Xie Yuyan—memories of the days she had lived with Ye Feng. Though she had felt his meticulous care, his tenderness had helped her rediscover herself. Yet, whenever she suggested settling down together, a flicker of hesitation would cross his face. It was subtle, but she had caught it every time.

"I... do feel that way."

"Then my guess isn’t wrong."

Receiving Xie Yuyan’s agreement, Li Mucheng nodded thoughtfully. Under Xie Yuyan’s lost gaze, she extended her hand.

"There’s so much we need to talk about, but since things have already come to this, there’s no need to rush. Let’s take care of ourselves first, then discuss everything properly, alright?"

Xie Yuyan avoided Li Mucheng’s outstretched hand. Just as Li Mucheng assumed she refused to cooperate, Xie Yuyan spoke again:

"If what happened on the cliff hadn’t occurred, maybe I would’ve set aside my pride and talked properly with you. But now... I’ve lost the right to be part of this. Ye Feng must despise me. He gave me a chance before, but I betrayed his trust, made it part of my scheme. Anyone would be utterly disappointed."

"How could that be? Xie Yuyan, think carefully! If Ye Feng truly hated you, he wouldn’t have risked his life to save you from that gunshot!"

Li Mucheng hadn’t wanted to bring it up, but to pull Xie Yuyan out of her despair, she had no choice but to reopen her own wounds.

"Don’t you remember what he said? He told me not to harm you, no matter what you’d done. That proves he still cares!"

"......"

Xie Yuyan’s pupils trembled. She buried her face between her knees, and if one listened closely, faint sobs could be heard.

Li Mucheng crouched down, gently placing a hand on Xie Yuyan’s knee.

"We all saw what happened on the cliff. Ye Feng knew his own condition better than anyone. So why did he still choose to protect you, even if it meant getting hurt? Because you’ve always mattered to him—no matter how much pain you caused."

As Li Mucheng spoke, she felt Xie Yuyan’s slender frame shudder uncontrollably, her cries growing louder.

"I’m sorry... I’m so sorry... I never meant for this... I just didn’t want to lose him."

"I thought the same way once. But you heard him too, didn’t you? Our extreme actions were like exploiting his feelings for us over and over. Anyone would grow weary. Maybe that’s why he chose to fall into the river—why he didn’t want to see us anymore."

"Ye Feng..."

Xie Yuyan’s fingers turned pale as she whispered his name again and again.

"I lost him... I lost him forever..."

"No, that’s not true."

Li Mucheng rejected her words, gripping Xie Yuyan’s cold hand tightly.

"If we atone, I believe he’ll forgive us."

"No... He might forgive you, but never me. I’ve already hurt him once before. There’s no way he’d forgive me again."

"Xie Yuyan, how can you know without trying? What good does crying in a corner do? You said yourself that Ye Feng is the most important person in your life. So why can’t you keep apologizing for his sake? Even if he rejects you, at least you’ll have acknowledged your mistakes."

"Ye Feng... someone important..."